Giving up Reefing...

[ocellaris_clownfish]

Hi brothers,

I am damn depressed today. I had a quarrel with my parents again on my marine tank. Ever since I started reefing 2 years ago, my family has never been supportive of this hobby. Whenever I bought anything home - be it fishes, corals, equipment, they will also complain I spent too much effort, time and money on the tank. They will NEVER understand how is it like to take a hobby as a passion.

Today I bought a 2nd-hand chiller from a fellow reefer and when I brought it home, I was faced with their sarcastic and angry comments again. Even without helping me up to setup the things, they threw comments first such as,

"wait the power supply cannot take it ah, wait the power trips and fires burn down the house"

"wait the balcony too heavy, the entire balcony will collapse" - becos my tank is at the balcony

very stupid and unreasonable comments that I always have to put up.

Come on, have I killed someone or robbed someone? What I did is JUST TO BUY A CHILLER! Why do I have to take such comments everytime, why can't the family understand! I am really too frustrated and fedup. I run away from my house without setting up the chiller. I am damn depressed. I am tired. I am going to give up this hobby. What can I do anyway but give up...I am so disappointed with my family.

[peacemaker]

Hi there Ocellaris Clownfish,

I've gone through pretty much the same stuff you had, except only from da "master" in the family, my mom. Most of the time, she complains about the PUB bills & wasting money on equipment, fishes & corals. Thankfully, my dad loves to keep fishes, except that his interests lies with tropical goldfish. We always have a little collaboration between us, to kinda "watch each other's back". For example, the salt creep started to hit the piano beside my tank. He would come to me privately and warn me to deal with it quickly before my mom finds out. Best hobby buddy, I'd say! Nevertheless, I still love my mom. I would patiently explain to her the joys of this hobby, and show her the "beautiful" side of it, a.k.a. the lovely LS & corals, without revealing too much of the unsightly equipment or the cost... It keeps her happy for awhile.

Take a breather! Relax... do something you like other than reefing to cheer yourself up, before coming back with a big bang! When you overcome your struggles, it builds your charater and makes you a stronger person. Most importantly, don't hate your family. They have their reasons too. Deal with the things that they dislike about the hobby, like paying some PUB bills... Be very nice to them in other aspects, and hopefully that should lessen the impact. Take care!

[LaW]

dun give up mate.

i once faced the same problem like you did but i didnt give up though. they later supported me at the later stage.

jia you jia you.

[hammy]

hi bro,

many reefers who come to my house often question me why my tank is not in the hall but in my room. Me too face the same prob as you as my daddy dun really like the idea of having a tank in the house.

As for me, harmony is of great value and i sit down with them telling them that some of their views hurt me sometimes and i hope to get family support. Although they do not support me in term of financial and stuff like that, they stop their comment which is a millions improvement. And in time to come, when ur tank is up and ready, invite them to view ur marine creatures and appreciate the beauty of nature.

Do not fall out with your family. Communicate with them. Remember! Harmony is of great value. Cherish them and respect them so that they will respect you too. It;s not easy but perservere on k.

[ocellaris_clownfish]

Thanks brothers.

I appreciate all your advice but it is difficult to say more about my situation. But despite of my repeated effort to talk with them either calmly or through quarrel, they will never understand how I feel. They can never understand a passion. When you have a passion for something, you are willing to spend time, effort and money for it. But all they can see is that I am wasting my resources on something totally meaningless.

This is meaningless, they will never understand...never...I just have to live with that fact.

Anyway we quarrelled again today, this is no end to it...I just want everything to stop, just end this.

[benteo36]

Hi bro, cheer up.

Not everybody have the same passion like us in the marine hobby. Well, sometimes we go crazy over our passion but to people who dun, they would be thinking it a waste of time. Cite me for example, Im nut about keeping marine but my wife doesnt, she keep telling me she only like to eat fish . Sad , hope she stay away from my fishes. Good thing is she dun bother what i do to my hobby so long i spend enough time with her.

I guess it will take some time and patience for them to understand keeping fish doesnt burn or collapse your house though it will shoot up your utility, haha. It a family afterall, be patience.

[Achilles Tang]

Tell them the hobby keeps you at home rather than wasting time and money outside playing pool or LAN games.

[kelstorm]

Tell them the hobby keeps you at home rather than wasting time and money outside playing pool or LAN games.

tell them that it keeps u home instead in the arms of other women (if u are married)

[andyteh]

Hi bro,

I was once in the same boat as you living with my parents and have to listen to their nagging about my marine tank.They disallowed me to buy a chiller as they said too expensive etc even though I said I will pay for the bills.In the end,I have to give up keeping a marine tank as all the livestock keep dying probably due to high temp and constant nagging.My dad told me when you have your own house you can keep a marine tank.

Anyway I vowed to myself that when I have my own house,I will surely keep a marine tank and this time I will make sure I buy a chiller.That was more than 10 years ago,now I finally achieved my dream of having a marine tank in my own house.

You may not be able to keep a marine tank now but one thing for sure,like me,when you have your own house,u can do whatever you want

[sky107line]

tell them that it keeps u home instead in the arms of other women (if u are married)

Gosh!! Now you're making me trying hard to imagine on what will happen then?

[angelfishlover]

Tell them the hobby keeps you at home rather than wasting time and money outside playing pool or LAN games.

well plaing LAN is not so bad.i used to play LAN games a lot but now since i have the Warcraft 3 game at home i dun waste time spending on LAN that much.

[Gouldian]

Not to sound offending but, "IMHO hobbies comes and go, family stays forever" - not easy to accomodate but that's a fact.

[mUAr_cHEe]

yah loh.. my reefing hobby goes... my new golf hobby coming in.... i am not helping u right now, am i?

anyway.. it all depends lah. what do u place first? family or hobby? if family one side of the bridge, your hobby the other side... which one u jump in save first? oops... a rather stupid question... fish can swim... so nothing to save...

seriously, i think it is a fine act of balancing loh. come to think of it... i was a lucky boy. all my wife complained is i spend too much money on the hobby last time. but i could easily fix that by spending more time, love and abit of money... 'dear, those shoes really look good on you!'

if u are asking us for a way to deal with the complaints... all i can offer you is one word: ENDURE.

today u buy chiller.. they nag nag nag, remark remark remark and scold scold scold.

2 months later.... if you dun buy anything new, they will not say anything...

unless they complaining about the chiller heat... or..... oops.

i dun think i am helping much... *zips mouth*

[Gouldian]

yah loh.. my reefing hobby goes... my new golf hobby coming in.... i am not helping u right now, am i?

anyway.. it all depends lah. what do u place first? family or hobby? if family one side of the bridge, your hobby the other side... which one u jump in save first? oops... a rather stupid question... fish can swim... so nothing to save...

seriously, i think it is a fine act of balancing loh. come to think of it... i was a lucky boy. all my wife complained is i spend too much money on the hobby last time. but i could easily fix that by spending more time, love and abit of money... 'dear, those shoes really look good on you!'

if u are asking us for a way to deal with the complaints... all i can offer you is one word: ENDURE.

today u buy chiller.. they nag nag nag, remark remark remark and scold scold scold.

2 months later.... if you dun buy anything new, they will not say anything...

unless they complaining about the chiller heat... or..... oops.

i dun think i am helping much... *zips mouth*

Yo Des, long time man..... You and CE coming in as tag team? Yeterday he re-appear after so a long while today you? Let's meet again soon ok.

[mUAr_cHEe]

Yo Des, long time man..... You and CE coming in as tag team? Yeterday he re-appear after so a long while today you? Let's meet again soon ok.

Yo Jo, long time man.... you mean my arch nemesis 'CHAO EEDIOT' still ard? neber see him suan me again leh... of course meet up soon... that is if u can catch me... heehee... flying off this sunday again... will be back in singapore... only so and so knows when?

[Gouldian]

Yo Jo, long time man.... you mean my arch nemesis 'CHAO EEDIOT' still ard? neber see him suan me again leh... of course meet up soon... that is if u can catch me... heehee... flying off this sunday again... will be back in singapore... only so and so knows when?

Oic, heard you bought an island off Palau and renting it to TCS for Survivor Singapore.

[loster]

Oic, heard you bought an island off Palau and renting it to TCS for Survivor Singapore.

hehehe... let me KPO abit hehehe...

hey des. glad to see you post again. and how is WM? he's still with you? send my regard to him

[mUAr_cHEe]

the grandmaster also left me long ago... but i still keep in contact with him... gd frens ma...

eh.. back to topic... how do we stop our fellow bro from giving up reefing??

actually i am still very interested in going back to reefing... i am dreaming of those 7 to 8 footers L shape tanks.. similar to the one which eaquanature had the other time... with those huge kick ###### refugium...