Just a Joke

[XiaoBaiTu]

The story of the bats

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Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

[LaW]

thanks for the time and effort to entertain lonely people like me that couldnt sleep in this late night.

ur effort is greatly appreciated!

[XiaoBaiTu]

Puppy Love

My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, "My dog got hold of this."

The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter. "Well, what do you recommend?" I asked.

He looked at me and replied, "Give your dog the other shoe."

[Mr CRABS]

hahahaha....got more tears....my stomach pain,,,this the only thread that makes me happy here..

[Achilles Tang]

Here's some!

What food do you give a woman that's guaranteed to kill her s e x drive??

Wedding Cake!

[Mr CRABS]

Achilles Tang you trying very hard....But i dun understand.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Achilles Tang]

You're too young to understand....

[RockyBoy]

What a pity ...

[sky107line]

Yah! What a pity....Poor thing..

[XiaoBaiTu]

Qantas

A mother and her son were flying Qantas from Perth to Sydney. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "Why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The boy said that she had. With a clever grin, the flight attendant said, "Tell your mother it's because Qantas always pulls out on time."

[Mr CRABS]

You're too young to understand....

eee bully me...

[sky107line]

Qantas

A mother and her son were flying Qantas from Perth to Sydney. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "Why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The boy said that she had. With a clever grin, the flight attendant said, "Tell your mother it's because Qantas always pulls out on time."

Good one!

[XiaoBaiTu]

Brave Hunters

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Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please."

When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose.

"I told you guys only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's no way the plane can take off with that much weight!"

"You're just a chicken pilot," one hunter said. "We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn't afraid to take off."

Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, he reconsidered. "All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try it."

They loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his take-off. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees. Some time later, the hunters regained consciousness.

"Where are we?" one asked.

His friend looked around at the scattered debris, then back at the edge of the lake and replied, "Oh, I guess about a hundred yards farther than last year."

[XiaoBaiTu]

Liar!!

My Lying Wife "That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.

"How do you know?" the friend asked.

"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

"So?"

"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley

[XiaoBaiTu]

Two fools

Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."

The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."

[Achilles Tang]

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked

about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling

around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "! Not this time!"

[XiaoBaiTu]

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.

The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"

"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!" "Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a p*nis!"

[XiaoBaiTu]

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter.

The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.

But then he said that he could recognize any animal's skin by feeling it, and he could tell what calibre rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.

They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok."

Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."

He was right !!!

The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before.

When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round.

So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.

He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion."

Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a .308."

He was right again !!!

This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hel_l of a shiner.

So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn't get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?"

His wife replied angrily, "From me!" "What did I do?" he asked.

She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, 'Skunk'... killed with an axe !!! "

[XiaoBaiTu]

I've spent the last month in Pattaya and walk the beach a lot. One day my partner and I noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.

We assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since we didn't know for sure, we just continued to watch her.

After a couple of days, my partner said, "Peter, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

I said I had not noticed that.

Then he said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and my partner was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when he saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

I walked up the beach and met my partner at the road.

"Well, is she selling drugs?" I asked excitedly.

"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it then? What does she do?" I fairly shrieked.

My partner grinned and said, "She's a battery sales person.

"Batteries?" I said.

"Yes ..." he replied -

SCROLL DOWN

OOOOH - You' re gonna dislike me for this - but it will make your day !!!

She sells C cells by the seashore.

[XiaoBaiTu]

Woman's Ultimate Fantasy

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered. He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman's rapt attention, and with a sly, ###### smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

"I'll do anything," he whispered in a deep, soft voice.

"Anything, absolutely anything you want, anything you have ever fantasized, for fifty dollars. There's just one condition... "

Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The women gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition, then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear...

"Clean... my... house."

[XiaoBaiTu]

Pad, Please!

An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.

[Mr CRABS]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA....

[XiaoBaiTu]

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.

*** POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''

[XiaoBaiTu]

God Loves Blondes

A ###### finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The ###### is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself..."Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"

[bluezing]

bro long....muahahahhaa