Just a Joke

[XiaoBaiTu]

(1) DON'T LOOK AT ###### LADY

Boy 1: Why do you run from a ###### lady?

Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a ###### lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!

(2) NAMES OF WIVES

A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...

4th wife..... baby doll

3rd wife.....china doll

2nd wife.....barbie doll

1st wife..... panadol!

(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME

This is how India got its name.....

The king was having ###### with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...

(4) RESEARCH FINDING

Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!

(5) ARAB MAN

An arab was being interviewed at a UScheckpoint.

'Your name pls.'?

"Abdul Aziz "

"######? "

"Six times a week!! "

"No, no, I mean male or female! "

"Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel !"

(6) SERVICE

###### is like a petrol station.

Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"

(7) HAPPY MAN

What makes a happy man?

Daughter on the cover of cosmo.

Son on the cover of sports illustrated.

Mistress on the cover of playboy and

Wife on the cover of "missing persons"

(8) SWIMSUIT

Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?

To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

(9) GOOD AMBITION

Teacher : What do you want to become?

Little Johnny : Doctor !!

Teacher : Why?

Little Johnny : Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

(10) DENTIST

Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."

Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair accordingly."

(11) VIRGIN

Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to read :

BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.

The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED"

(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL

75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.

On their first night both were crying - why???

Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything.

[XiaoBaiTu]

Names tO avoid

>>>Mandarin

>>Paul Chan - Bankrupt

>>Anne Chang - Dirty

>>Faye Chen - Dusty

>>Anne Chin - Keep quiet

>>Henry Mah - Hate your mum

>>Jane Tan - Frying eggs

>>Nelson Tan - Bird laying eggs

>>Leslie Tong - Rubbish bin

>>

>>Hokkien

>>Carl Cheng - Buttock

>>Monica Cheng - Touching your buttocks

>>Lucy Leow - You are dead

>>Suzie Leow - Lost till death

>>Lim Yew Lin - Drink urine

>>Lim Teh Peng - Drink iced tea

>>Danny See - Squeeze you to death

>>Corrine Tai - Poor fellow

>>Rosie Teng - Screws and nails

>>Carmen Tng - Leg hair long

>>Pete Tsai - Nose droppings

>>

>>Cantonese

>>Connie Mah - Call your mother

>>Macy Koh - Never die before

[dream]

[1] A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

[2] The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

[3] One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean.

However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.

However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"

At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"

[4] Mahathir was so disappointed with his cabinet for being inefficient and corrupt that he decided to call on Goh Chok Tong and ask him how he managed to have such an efficient and incorruptible cabinet.

On hearing Mahathirs woes, PM Goh said, "Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet." Mahathir asked, "Yes, but how do you know that they are able?"

PM Goh replied, "Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence, don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you." Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him, "Hey Tony, come over here." Tony obediently walked briskly over.

PM Goh asked, "Tell me, Tony, who is your fathers son ?" Tony Tan immediately replied, "Me! Of course."

PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said, "See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don't you go back and try." Mahathir thank PM Goh and left.

Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him, "Tell me, Anwar, who is your father's son ?" Anwar was shocked beyond words and did not know the answer. After a while, he recovered and said, "Boss, let me find out and I'll tell you tomorrow." Mahathir, a bit disappointed, agreed, hoping that Anwar will give a good answer tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Anwar was panicking that his boss was testing him. He tried desperately to find out the answer from his staff, but none of them knew the answer. The next morning,

he decided to call Bill Clinton for help. Surely the most powerful person in the world must know the answer.

When Bill picked up the phone, Anwar said, "Hello, Bill, can I ask you a question?" Clinton, very busy, replied, "Alright, but it better be good !" Anwar quickly asked, "Tell me, Bill, who is your father's son ?" Clinton was fuming, "Of course it's me, you stupid !" and he slammed the phone down.

Satisfied that he's got the answer, he confidently walked into Mahathir's office and said, "Boss, I've got the answer to your question." Mahathir, happy that his deputy wasn't that dumb, said, "So tell me quick, who is your fathers son, Anwar ?"

Anwar confidently replied, "It's BILL CLINTON !"

Mahathir slapped his own forehead in disgust and said, "No you stupid, it's TONY TAN !"

[XiaoBaiTu]

A Professional Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

[Lester]

A Professional Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

Wow ... he is sure a smart gambler ,....

[XiaoBaiTu]

TEACHER : Why are you late?

BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.

TEACHER : What sign?

BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?

BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?

BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER : No, that's wrong

BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?

BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.

BALGOBIN : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Balgobin!

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TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

BALGOBIN : Me!

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TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?

BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?

BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-

TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".

BALGOBIN : I is...

TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."

BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"

BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,

but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish

him?"

BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

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BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?

BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

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TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you arewearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that

at home.

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TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating adonkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?

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TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Di! d you copy his?

BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

BALGOBIN : A teacher

[XiaoBaiTu]

Pyramid Of Jokes

There were 3 girls, a ######, a brunette, and a red head. and they found a pyramid. they read a tablet that said "this is the pyramid of 100 steps. if you

get to the top of it, you will get what you've wanted all your life. but be warned, every 5 steps a person will pop out and tell a joke, and if you laugh, you can never try again."

so the brunette gets to the 5th step and laughs, so she could never try again.

the red head got to the 20th step and laughed, so she could never try again.

then the ###### got to the 99th step and laughed. then the guy who was going to tell the joke said "why did you laugh, i didnt tell the joke yet." then the ###### said "i know, i laughed because i just got the first joke!"

[cyberpig]

Once upon a time in Singapore, there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs Ng, with their 3 lovely triplet daughters: Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins, and it was time to get them married.

So, the parents found them the most suitable "leng chais" (handsome guys ). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.

As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them......"Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity... you all must use a code name to describe your experiences".

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed. Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine.

They opened the letter and found the words STANDARD CHARTERED. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered Bank advertisement. "Ah! Here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered Bank was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY" Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE". So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. "Ah! Here it is. 'NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP". Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code name was "SINGAPORE AIRLINES". Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. "Ah! Here it is!" Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair.

The tagline was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP".

[XiaoBaiTu]

A mother and her son were flying Qantas from Perth to Sydney.

The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother

and said, "Why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the

flight attendant.

So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby

dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The boy said that she had.

With a clever grin, the flight attendant said, "Tell your mother it's

because Qantas always pulls out on time."

[XiaoBaiTu]

good girl vs bad girl

> Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot

> Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

> Good girls wax their floors

> Bad girls wax their bikini line

> Good girls blush during ###### scenes in movies

> Bad girls know they could do it better

> Good girls wear white cotton panties

> Bad girls don't wear any

> Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a

> strand of pearls

> Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a

> strand of pearls

> Good girls pack their toothbrush

> Bad girls pack their diaphragms

> Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it

> Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it

> Good girls wear high heels to work

> Bad girls wear high heels to bed

> Good girls think the office is the wrong place to

> have a romance

> Bad girls think no place is the wrong place

> Good girls prefer the missionary position

> Bad girls do too, but only for starters

> Good girls say no

> Bad girls say when?

> Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed.

> Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home

[ah_d3x]

> Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed.

> Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home

haha i like this!

[XiaoBaiTu]

>>> >> Man : Where are you from?

>>> >> Woman : U.S.A

>>> >> Man : Are you here on vacation?

>>> >> Woman : No lah! I'm here for lunch.

>>> >> Man : What!!! All the way from United

>>> States of America!!!

>>> >> Woman : No lah! Upper Serangoon Avenue.

>>> >> Man : !!@#$%

>>> >>

>>> >>

>>>

>> *********************************************************

>>> >> A customer went to snack bar and ordered a

>>> hamburger.

>>> >> When 20 minutes had gone and his food

>>> hadn't arrived, the

>>> >> irritated customer asked the waiter.

>>> >> Customer: Will my hamburger be long?

>>> >> Waiter: No, sir...it will be round.

>>> >>

>>> >>

>>>

>> ********************************************************

>>> >> Two young boys was having their morning

>>> breakfast, consist of

>>> hot chocolate and cereal. As he almost

>>> finish his meal, the

>>> younger

>>> >> of the two headed for their aquarium, his

>>> hand full of cereal.

>>> Just

>>> >> beforehe feed the turtles and the fish, his

>>> mother came into the

>>> room. "Don't do it, Kamal",she said."They'll

>>> die." The boys face

>>> >> turned pale and throw his mother a

>>> desperate look, "Then why did

>>> you gave

>>> it to us ?"

>>> >>

>>> >>

>>>

>> *********************************************************

>>> >> Diner: Waiter, look at this chicken,

>>> nothing but skin and

>>> bones.

>>> >> Waiter: What else do u want, feathers?

>>> >> Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.

>>> Call the manager!

>>> >> Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it

>>> either.

>>> >> Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!

>>> >> Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk

>>> there, do you?

>>> >>

>>> >>

>>>

>> *********************************************************

>>> >> Ben: These ice-cream are too expensive

>>> >> John: Stop complaining and pay with a

>>> smile.

>>> >> Ben: I wish I could but the man insists on

>>> cash!

>>> >>

>>> >>

>>>

>> *********************************************************

>>> >> Almost bald man: Why do u always charge me

>>> double? You ought to

>>> >> charge me cheaper for I don't have much

>>> hair!

>>> >> Barber: No, no! We don't charge for cutting

>>> the hair! We charge

>>> for having to search for it!

[XiaoBaiTu]

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

==================================================

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

==================================================

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad

got heart attack & our driver ran away.

==================================================

Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?

B'coz people started licking the wrong side.

==================================================

Woman asked man who is traveling with six children, "all these kids are

urs"?

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

==================================================

Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.

1st: How urs look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!

==================================================

Son asks difference between confident and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. ur friend also my son, that's

confidential!

==================================================

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we

should talk about ######.

Daughter (Excitedly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...

==================================================

Friend to sardar: Why are u going for a birth control surgery for the

ninth time?

Sardar: What to do yaar, my wife still keep getting pregnant.

[ClOwNy_LoVeR]

haha nice jokes for every1

[ClOwNy_LoVeR]

Pat: Hey, Chris! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.

Chris: To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.

Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't believe it!

Chris: Well, yeah. After all, he's a parrot fish.

Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris, but while you might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.

Chris: That's what you think! He can sing all right. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?

[XiaoBaiTu]

Johnny wanted to have ###### with a girl in his office.....but she belonged to

someone else.......

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give

you a 1000 dollars if you let me have ###### with you"....but the girl said

"NO".

Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down,

I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her

boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says "...ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very

fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to

call. Finally, after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what

happened......

She said "THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!"

[XiaoBaiTu]

Ah lian want to lose weight, so she went to see a doctor..

"Doctor Tan, how to lose weight ah??" she asked..

The doctor examined her and said "Don worry, just 3 MEALS a day." ah lian happily went home..One month later she went to see the same doctor. While seeing her so skinny and haggerd, the doctor was so shocked and quickly ask her, "Did you follow what i told you to do???" This time ah lian said with a soft voice "Yes, u told me 3 MALES a day right???

[XiaoBaiTu]

A man is very horny and goes into a @^^## house. he goes up to a @^^## and tell her he wants to do something new and exciting. so she tells him "ok, baby, how about a little 69?". he says "69? what's that?" so she tells him "come upstairs and i'll show you". so they go upstairs, get ######, climb on the bed and start doing 69.

After about 5 minutes, she farts. he's a little shocked, but doesn't say anything because he's enjoying it so much. she continues, he continues and after about 15 minutes, she farts again. this time much bigger than the first. the guy gets really upset, but still doesn't say anything because he's still very turned on and enjoying his 69. after about 10 minutes, she farts again, this time a huge ripper, really smelly. by now he's really disgusted and throws her off the bed, and starts getting dressed. she looks up at him and says "what's the matter honey, didn't you enjoy 69?" and he shouts back "Hell no! i can't take 66 more of those!!!!"

[XiaoBaiTu]

Sin-Ga-Po-lean Humour

Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?"

Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only,

where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"

Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it

to her.

So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his

girlfriend.

"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"

"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.

"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"

So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"

So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored

the accelerator.

The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.

"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!"

screamed Ah Beng.

"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"

The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.

So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy

water to make room for women and children.

To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.

To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.

To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.

To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.

Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came

up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."

Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and

wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"

(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).

The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to

re-select another song.

The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ

was insulting them.

The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.

Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that

they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the

Righteous Brothers.

One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted

to get down to the ground floor.

As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.

It was then followed by a G.

As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea

what does the letter G mean.

Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.

When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so

impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?"

The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

One day, there were an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and

Bangladeshi traveled around on a private helicopter.

After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his cigarette

(Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking after two sip, he threw

the balance of the cigarette.

The other three persons were surprised and asked

"Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before throwing?"

He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."

Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded perfume

and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window.

The other three persons were surprised and asked,

"Why did you throw away the perfume?"

The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."

The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that

Bangladeshi out of the helicopter.

The other two persons shouted crazyly, "Why did you push

him !?"

The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my

country!"

Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.

[XiaoBaiTu]

There was a Chinese lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed somehow to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.

The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store............. so what did she do?

What were you thinking?! Her husband speaks english! LOL

[XiaoBaiTu]

Dirty Joke ??

little johnny was 7 yrs old and like any other boys he was curious.he have heard abt "courting" frm the older boys,but was not sure wat it's was and how it's done.one day he took the question to his mom,who beum rather flustered,instead of explian it to jhonny,she as jhonny to hide behind the curtians one night watch his older sister and her Bf. He did it....

the following morning little jhonny exticely told his mom abt everything..............

"Sis and her boy friend sat and talk for awhile,then he turn off most of the lights.then the started hugging,kissing sis..i tought sis mus be sick cos her face look so funny......he too must have tought of it to because he place his hand inside sis blouse and feels for her heart just like a doc would.but he is kinda silly as he seem to have trouble find the heart.soon he is getting sick too as both of them are panting and get out of breath......his other hand must have been cold as he place it under sis skirt.sis got worse and begane to moan and sigh,suirming frm side to side on the end of the bed.............this was when sis started her fever as she told her BF that she is really hot.finally i found out what is making sis and her bf so sick......it was a big eel which has gotten inside sis BF pants somehow,it jump out of his pants and stood there abt 10 inches long.....honest,anyway he grabed it with one hand to keep it form getting away.........When sis saw it,she got really scared-her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and started calling out god and stuff liddat.She saw it was the biggest she ever seen;i should tell here abt thoese in pond beside our hse.......anyway sis got brave and tried to kill off the eel by biting the head off.all off the sunnden she grab it with both hands and held it tight as he took out a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again, sis lay back speard her leg wide so she could get a scissor lock on it as he help my laying on top of the eel.the eel put up a hella of fight. sis started groaning and squealing and her BF almost upset the bed. i guess they try to kill the eel by squashing it it betwwen 'em.....soon they both quit moving,gave a great sigh and her BF sat up sure, the eel was dead just hung there limp,and some of its inside is hunging out.sis and her BF is tired frm the battle but went back courting anyway....but OH NO!!!!!!! the eel was not dead and it jump back right up!!!!!!!!i guess eels have 9 lives like the cats......this time sis try to kill it by sitting on it aft 35 mis of fight the eel was dead as her bf peel of its skin and flush it down the toliet........

[bluezing]

bro long!!!!!

[flamey]

Wife is like a TV. Girlfriend is like handphone.

At home watch TV. Go out bring handphone.

No money sell TV. Got money change handphone.

Sometime enjoy TV but most of the time play with handphone.

TV free for life but....handphone, if you don't pay, services will be terminated....!

[XiaoBaiTu]

A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would

like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big, and he exclaimed, "Lord, have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her Husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well, now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[XiaoBaiTu]

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'" " I remember that, too," she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."