Falling in love again in his twilight years ...

[XPeriment 626]

Think you need to ask the girl to honestly tell you where she sees this r-ship going, whether it can turn into something meaningful (which probably requires a divorce from his wife first) or are they heading for a painful wake-up call. She might be in denial, enjoying the moment, without considering the consequences of her actions.

As for the guy, sounds like he has to work through issues in his own marriage. It is easy to say "I'm in love" and talk about the wonderful things another person has brought into your life. But if you already are married, this is not only wrong and irresponsible, it is usually an easy way out of dealing with marital issues, such as the couple not communicating like before, the passion not being kept alive (yes, you must work at maintaining the passion in a marriage) or simply allowing too much routine to creep into their lives so that everything becomes boring.

You should ask the guy too where he thinks this can go, and whether he is willing to sacrifice his family and years of his life being invested into it, or whether he should recognise this temporary pleasure for what it is and make a clean break to rebuild his marriage and his family.

[framerunner]

Tell that male friend dont play with fire. Later another Karang guni incident.

[riot]

I am not sure, but I feel that is his life. If he finds that this current relationship is more meaningful and exciting, and is willing to drop the decades of familiarity and stability with his wife and kids, then let him carry on. Its up to him to put the real value on his family, and he has to accept the consequences of his acions. He is a big boy, walk him through the pros and cons, but dont preach. This is his path to take, not anyone's else.

That bit of philosophy asie, it sure is exciting to learn the stuff that goes on in the Uni. Damn, I wish I was smarter.......

[weisoon]

At times, matters of the heart is easier said than done, until one is involve in it. When one falls in love, be it the first time or extramarital, the heart always rules. Have anyone wondered why love will automatically look for you even you do not search for it? It is then again upto to the person to get involve or not. (Must be a previous life's karma, that's my own believe.) Sometimes, its better to let things run its course. Maybe the ending is already predestined (my own believe again).

[minsmarine]

At times, matters of the heart is easier said than done, until one is involve in it. When one falls in love, be it the first time or extramarital, the heart always rules. Have anyone wondered why love will automatically look for you even you do not search for it? It is then again upto to the person to get involve or not. (Must be a previous life's karma, that's my own believe.) Sometimes, its better to let things run its course. Maybe the ending is already predestined (my own believe again).

U r experience ? Come on you should have lot

[weisoon]

At times, I believe to 'cultivate' some good deeds for my next life. I also firmly believe what we are getting/doing now in life is brought on from the previous life's 'cultivation'. Call me a believer of such things.

Have more encounters does not mean will get involve. Have to depend on previous life's 'cultivation' again......Hope not too 'chim' for you to understand. That's another topic altogether. Lets stay on topic.

[Trigger99]

hey Lizaard44, I think the best that you can do is talk to your good friend and warn him the consequences. Other than that, let nature that its own course. I do not think you can do anything more......

[flying carpet]

Tell your friend this way:-

I know that you are smart cause you are a lecturer but that doesn't mean that your decision is always right. Take sometime off and think abt your family look at what you have now. Your kids have all grown up and this is all from the help of you both husband and wife.

The difference between a wife and a girlfriend is miles apart. The chemistry and trust you have with your wife is as strong as oak and the trust barrier is there. Think of the good, bad and ugly thing that you both have been through. Do you want to throw all that away just because a hottie just happened to come by and open up her gardens of eden for you? Because you know that your wife open up much more than that, she opens body, mind and soul for you. Can your girlfriend do that?

You may have gone dating with your girlfriend in a few occassions but think again there are love ones at home thinking of you all the time. Each man choose his own path in life and the path that you took before have serve you well and you may think this path that you are gonna take will be better but a you sure you want to venture there? Money lost can be earn but not trust and time. Once it is broken it stay broken.

I have nothing further to say to you cause now it is up to you to choose your own path my friend.

If this doesn't work bro the last resort is that you ask him this question:-

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOUR WIFE DOES THE SAME THING TO YOU!!!

YOU DUMBA*** M*****F*****!!!

Hope it works and go down smoothly

[Dorado]

Totally agree with Bro flying carpet.

Spot on...........

I like the term 'GARDEN OF EDEN'

[cyclop]

Flying Carpet, that is what I would call WISDOM - very "chim" but it makes great sense. An excellent piece of advice!!! If he is really so DUMB as not to heed it, good luck to him. He will wake up only to find his sweet dreams turning into nightmares. He is "doomed to ....................."

[LaW]

the gal is an exceptional case. really crazy but smart lady

why i know? because she bite my butt while im working too

lol

but i didnt feel anything. just play along with her.

its hard to get into the head, pig-headed, when it comes to love

[Ancelot]

*shakes head*

My views goes with 'flying carpet' and 'LAw'

[cyclop]

Lizard, I'm getting a bit confused!! You are concerned about your friend, the young, sweet and innocent girl or yourself??? You mentioned that - "in fact, the temptation was so great, that i don't even mind getting one gf myself.

[lizard44]

Lizard, I'm getting a bit confused!! You are concerned about your friend, the young, sweet and innocent girl or yourself??? You mentioned that - "in fact, the temptation was so great, that i don't even mind getting one gf myself.

so sharp meh.

no lah. i don't bother.

most of the advice here, i have highlighted to him already.

since the majority is negative. i told him so.

he is not aware of this forum, indeed i intended to keep it that way.

however, some of the advice, i must admit to him that it is rather textbook in nature. i guess he is his own man. he chose the karma to walk.

some believe in reincarnation. some don't ...

so i told him ... enjoy what's he feels is right but take responsibility of his actions when things do turn for the worst and not run away from the events.

lizard

[lizard44]

thank you guys for the inputs ... i am sure we all know what's best for ourselves and our friends ...

but most frequently we are only bystanders watching the world goes by ... some time it hurts a little by not participating ... some chose to participate ... i guess i wish all participants good luck ...

hope all's well ends well.

lizard

[cyclop]

Sorry Lizard, I didn't mean to be "sharp". My apologies if it is so. I'm the straight forward type and speak my mind. No heart feelings, I hope.

[cyclop]

"No heart feelings, I hope"

I mean hard feelings

[lizard44]

don't worry ... this is a free forum.

it is good that forumers speak their minds. i am glad you did.

it was my original intention to solicit for opinions aka advice for a good friend of mine. the subject of lust and love are hardcore stuff. even i myself finds it luring and intoxicating ... after all i knew this friend from sec to old age. when i am with him, i could sense and understand his points.

one interesting observation, my friend did have: he noticed that for an old man to know a young girl, the young men are jealous. i wondered why too

no ill-intent meant and no offence taken ...

lizard

[rockfish]

I hope my comment is not too late..

i feel that sometimes, a relationship is not only about love .. there are things like responsiblities involved. Once u take the oath, then u have to fufill it .. this is wat many ppls dun nowadays ..

Maybe have to ask ur friend ..

did he love his wife when they got married .. ??

If he did .. then does he still love her now .. ??

If no, then where did that love gone to .. ? ?

Did their love died.. ?? if It did .. then who allows it .. ?

And wat about her effort in the marriage..

Did she do her part as a good wife to keep the family in place so that he can strive in the career .. ?

Did she bring his kids up properly the way a mother should .. ?

Did she stand by him in bad times and give him support.. ??

If as a good wife .. she did .. , then if he weighs it against the new found love or lust which ever u call it . where does she stand .. ?

She help him to be who he is now .. be it the good way or bad way ..

If watever she has done for him can't compared to his new interest.. then its him to decide and bear the consequences...

Just a tot.. if u spend years of research and hardwork .. .. then one day .. someone just comes in and claim credit for ur hard work .. how do u feel .. ? ?

[lizard44]

thanks for the comment.

let's for the moment forget about my friend.

let me talk a little about myself.

my passage on business was extremely hard. every day i slogged for the banks. i went from very negative to negative to slightly positive.

those dark days were never shared with anyone, including my wife. i didn't want her to be too worried. even if i did, she may not feel nor understand fully my struggle and why. but, when i received 12 lawyer letters within a single day, i can tell you the despair is max.

the passage of life is not just about taking care of family and kids (plus wife), it is about finding an audience (of 1?) and show him/her your side of the story.

i do have a business partner (not my this friend) and we were very close. but, there are still things i never share with him.

in another words, there is a large part of me that is not explained to anyone.

every day, i do meet up with some free-lance workers doing things for me (the business), i can tell you, there are dozens that expressed interest in me and wanted more from me. but, i have no interest (yet?) ...

for me, the age of the companion is not too important but the connection is.

i have not gone for one yet (not like my friend), but really who can tell the future ...

i don't believe in reincarnation. hence, i don't wish to say when i die that my job was completely done and that is, to bring up kids and stay faithful to wife. i would rather want to live my life to its fullest ... (which my friend had dared and tried). what's that? i don't know, still searching ... (i am younger hence still have time i guess)

i am not saying my friend is right in what he did. but, hey, he is at least much bouncier than i though is capable of an old uncle.

sometimes i envy my friend to have found some one who is schooled in the same discipline and sharing the exact same research passion. a relationship that is not superior-worker but equal partnership. his wife was in a different discipline.

lizard

[cyclop]

Life's journey is full of trials and tribulation. Having a life partner and to be together happily ever after is indeed one of the most difficult tests that all of us go through. It takes a lot of resolve, endurance, self sacrifices, resilience, etc............

LOVE is only a word; supposedly a wonderous feeling. Marriage may seem to be a bed of roses, until one becomes aware of the thorns - and lots of them.

I fully agree with you that "age of the companion is not too important but the connection is". It is also true that a large part of us are not explained or revealed to anyone. Not even the person closest to us - our wife. That is because we "love" them and care for them. We do not want them to worry and be unhappy. Sometimes, we also feel that they "may not feel or understand our struggle and why".

Yes, we have gone though a lot. We have had our shares of happiness, miseries, setbacks and disapppointments. Any respectable and capable man worth his salt would also have gone through temptations and lures of pleasures. We want to live our life to the fullest. That's human.

At the end of it all, should we ask ourselves - What we really want for ourselves, our children and our wife (our FAMILY)? Having gone through so much and having given so much to them and made so much sacrifies for them - Are we going to regret and take back or destroy everything?

Of course, the answer depends very much on whether they "deserve it or not" which can be very subjective, and is very "personal to holder".

To be honest with you, I am also having the same dilemma. But no matter what I may do. That last thing that I want is to let anything affect my family.

I have decided and made my choice. Your choice is your!!!

[Lester]

Life's journey is full of trials and tribulation. Having a life partner and to be together happily ever after is indeed one of the most difficult tests that all of us go through. It takes a lot of resolve, endurance, self sacrifices, resilience, etc............

LOVE is only a word; supposedly a wonderous feeling. Marriage may seem to be a bed of roses, until one becomes aware of the thorns - and lots of them.

I fully agree with you that "age of the companion is not too important but the connection is". It is also true that a large part of us are not explained or revealed to anyone. Not even the person closest to us - our wife. That is because we "love" them and care for them. We do not want them to worry and be unhappy. Sometimes, we also feel that they "may not feel or understand our struggle and why".

Yes, we have gone though a lot. We have had our shares of happiness, miseries, setbacks and disapppointments. Any respectable and capable man worth his salt would also have gone through temptations and lures of pleasures. We want to live our life to the fullest. That's human.

At the end of it all, should we ask ourselves - What we really want for ourselves, our children and our wife (our FAMILY)? Having gone through so much and having given so much to them and made so much sacrifies for them - Are we going to regret and take back or destroy everything?

Of course, the answer depends very much on whether they "deserve it or not" which can be very subjective, and is very "personal to holder".

To be honest with you, I am also having the same dilemma. But no matter what I may do. That last thing that I want is to let anything affect my family.

I have decided and made my choice. Your choice is your!!!

hi

so your choice is to stay on wif your wife???

hmmmm.......

[cyclop]

Certainly, Lester!!! Not that she's a "perfect" person, bacause I am not perfect too. We all have our weaknesses so we need to accept each other's faults (as long as they are not serious). We have differences, lots of them. We argue quite often but we learn to accept and respect each others views, opinions and perceptions.

I do have lots of temptations, lusts I had lot of opportunities to be unfaithful too. After all that's human, and I'm pretty charismatic and attractive to ladies young and old (he he he, ......), but so far I've been able to keep a cool head and resist them. Honestly, I would love to have some fun, but knowing the possible complications and risks involved and not wanting to screw up my life and make my dear wife broken hearted I resisted. Not easy though. I always thinks: what if my wife does the same to me? How would I feel? She's quite attractive too. There is a saying: "Do unto others what you would others do unto you".

Hope that answers your question (???).

[riot]

OK, I hate to admit it, but I have a mercenary attitude towards love. I do not see it wise to bind yourself to an unloving and hostile relationship, when everything is soured. People change, and they sometimes drift apart. If what you put into the marriage is not being rewarded, or it is costing too much emotional burden, then settle the issue. Go for the Big D.

Having said that, it doesnt mean that at the first sign of crisis you bail out. You have to weigh the long term, plus the value of "history". In a good strong relationship, this mercenary attitude works extremely well, bcause you 1) dont take the relationship as a given 2) you are aware it takes effort and close monitoring of your emotional shares 3) you understand that you have a deep emotional investment into the relationship, and dropping it all will mean complete bankruptcy and starting ALL OVER AGAIN. But seriously, if it doesnt mean anything at all to your friend, the kids and the family, then he is living a lie if he continues on. Be a man, settle it fairly. Dont double time.

[riot]

the gal is an exceptional case. really crazy but smart lady

why i know? because she bite my butt while im working too

Say, I am willing to trade a frag for an ###### biting session.

Self collect at AMK. After office hours, mon - fri.