Chinese Marriage Traditions

[kokhui]

Sharing some of my experience.

Me and my wife did not have a wedding banquet for our wedding. We insisted that we did not want it and my parents and her mother also "Bo Pian"! However, we compromised by having the tea ceremony at both sides' house though followed by a simple buffet lunch after that.

On the same night, we throw a small party for our close friends at the beach! This was very nice, something easy going without the fuss in the banquets!

I must say that for our case, we are very blessed that our parents did not insist on the traditional kind of chinese banquet that most chinese couples went through.

After the wedding, we went for a one month long honeymoon @ Europe!

[alanseah]

well bro..

it's all depend on your wife side.. and your side how u guy wanted it...

but normally the guy side will give the woman side a sum of money to the parents as a form of thank you for raising the daughter up.

As for the dinner it all cover by the guys side where the woman side will ask for number of tables....

all these will be decide on the both parents meet up session...

and the sum of $$ to give to the woman side will be on the 1 weeks be4 the actual wedding call "haha I dont know how to spell it out in chinese

" and way that is also the date where u give your wife the 4 item gold also and all the cake and even roast pig...

also other then give the woman parents the sum of $$$.. the rest of the wedding stuff your "wife" and you can share the load one.. it's depend on your wife understanding and will help u to offset the $$$ expenses or not lor..

if not by chinese laws and nowaday all those spoil SG woman, wedding is all pay by the guy side one..the woman just sit there and shake legs and take photo and make all the decidsion what she want to think all these stuff very cheap cause not she paying wa....

and there r alot more things to do... but all these also depend on your u r hokken or others and the woman side are what also...

[ervine]

i think nowadays can even skip the whole banquet thing, go for a lunch or tea buffet can already

[Chris]

Although it is common for young couples to skip the dinner for whatever reasons, I still think the wedding will be more significant with the dinner, especially for the parents of the couple. Think from their stand. Bring up a child and can finally see them get married. Won't you want to share this happiness and joy with all your friends and relatives? It should not be a money issue cos the Ang Pows should cover most if not all of it. Think of what memories the couple and the family would be missing.

[hotlemond]

i think those ang pow from friends and colleagues contributes the most to your min. break even or suplus. Relative ones are like $120 bring whole family there.

but make or loose money this kind of thing die die also have to hold. Otherwise she and your mother-in-law will ALWAYS remember it, like you owe her something all your life.

Offer the best you can to her, and you will be respected as a head of your own family in future.

Love is another issue.

[alanseah]

i think those ang pow from friends and colleagues contributes the most to your min. break even or suplus. Relative ones are like $120 bring whole family there.

but make or loose money this kind of thing die die also have to hold. Otherwise she and your mother-in-law will ALWAYS remember it, like you owe her something all your life.

Offer the best you can to her, and you will be respected as a head of your own family in future.

Love is another issue.

haiya want repect... drop her mother-in-law a frenly 1million dollar cheque lor.. then u forever will be repect and well treated...

[ervine]

haiya want repect... drop her mother-in-law a frenly 1million dollar cheque lor.. then u forever will be repect and well treated...

anyone can drop a $1mil cheque.. it's just a matter of whether that cheque will bounce or not.. hehehe...

In anycase.. does anyone notice that usually the eldest son get's the big banquet? subsequent sons or daugthers dinners are much more muted...

[kokhui]

In anycase.. does anyone notice that usually the eldest son get's the big banquet? subsequent sons or daugthers dinners are much more muted...

Agree with this, at least for my case. In my case, my eldest sister had to have a banquet of 50 tables! I pity my sis and my bro-in law, in that night, they have to meet so many people they don't know!

Having said that, I definitely can see that my father was very happy that night, maybe happier than him getting married in his younger days!

[FlameDav]

Ahh …. Seems like different people have different "bride costs" involved for their weddings.

It really depends on the In Laws.

Mine for example, quite "ching chai"

Brides money : $2000 HKD = $435 SGD

3 tables in Hong Kong : $3000 SGD

But then, there are still the other "hidden" costs. Eg. For bribing the Bride's sisters.

[acidjazz]

Marriage is about 2 pple, why so complicated.

Don't like ceremonies, traditions, conventions. Like i said, best save the money go for longer honeymoon and spare the agony of throwing a dinner.

[weileong]

It's easier said than done, when your time comes then you will know. Not everyone can just ignore the wishes of the parents and do what they want.

Want to save? Then just ROM and then forget abt everything. No tea ceremony, not dinner, not even in Malaysia

[Chris]

I beg to differ too. Marriage is not about 2 people but the harmonous merger of 2 families. If you think so simplistic, then you are into lots of surprises after your sweet long honeymoon. By the way, marriage is also not about long honeymoon!

[alanseah]

haiya... those got marry already then put your voice in..

those have not dont give empty talk....

[acidjazz]

I understand the complications. How about a quiet ceremony, with just close friends and relatives

[weileong]

I understand the complications. How about a quiet ceremony, with just close friends and relatives

Good idea if both parties and family has no objection

But then sometimes it's just not possible.

[hotlemond]

though it is real difficult for 2 lovers to plan/host the wedding or no wedding without parent's intervene, sometimes i feel the parent's demands are partly to pit against another relative, even if the demand may add alot of pressure to the lover birds. Something like:

Mother: i still think Hilton is better

Dad: Aiya.., just let them decide themselves

Mother: How can??.. my sis's 2nd daughter already at Raffles City

Dad: but they are not earning alot, moreover its thier wedding...

Mother: i only have one daughter ! ... no, i better talk to her..

Mother: Girl....!!

[FlameDav]

Haiz … I would love to have just a simple ROM + lunch.

But my parents and in laws would never agree to it without any form of a dinner.

Donno why, maybe I'll understand 1 day when my children marrys.

I'm considered lucky as they did not insist on carrying out the full tradition which would mean really a lot of things to do..

Other then that, from what I can feel, my wife to be secretly wishes for a memorable wedding too.

Although she never mention about it.

Can see by the way her eyes light up whenever we discuss about the dinner plans, the photography , the gowns to wear.

That alone answered all my queries for having the wedding rituals.

[FlameDav]

though it is real difficult for 2 lovers to plan/host the wedding or no wedding without parent's intervene, sometimes i feel the parent's demands are partly to pit against another relative, even if the demand may add alot of pressure to the lover birds. Something like:

Mother: i still think Hilton is better

Dad: Aiya.., just let them decide themselves

Mother: How can??.. my sis's 2nd daughter already at Raffles City

Dad: but they are not earning alot, moreover its thier wedding...

Mother: i only have one daughter ! ... no, i better talk to her..

Mother: Girl....!!

Haha I pity the groom of the ah girl.