Criticise Like A Man But Apologize Like A Wimp

[Gouldian]

Dear bros and sis,

I have a friend that likes to criticise people, he likes to do it openly in front of everyone so that he appears knowledgeable.

When he is wrong, we will try to correct him. But he will try to wriggle, twist and distort until he gets away with it.

Most of my friends try to bear with his antics as we do not want to come across as rude and also because we felt that he is still young.

As time passes, most of my friends began to loose patience with him and requested me to try to correct whenever my friends feel that he is going overboard.

Most of these times, I will have to try very hard to convince him that he is wrong and that he should think before he criticise others but I usually met with his wriggling ways.

Even when I finally convince him, he will never openly apologize to my friends but secretly or discreetly or sometime even prtend that my friends have forgiven him. My friends and I felt that this is not acceptable as he Criticise Like A Man But Apologize Like A Wimp.

Anyone have any experience?

[hotlemond]

Gouldian,

this friend of yours may be lacking in self confidence. From your discription, he criticise others openly so that he hope to temperory cover up the insecurity he felt towards himself and the events surrounding him. Sort of like 'wanting to gain control over things', letting others knows that he knows.

And his fear to face his mistakes/wrong action to apologise to the affected parties further prompted me to confirm his lack of self confidence.

No beating, scolding, nagging will help for now. He simply needs one thing: Time..., time to grow up, learn and mature.

Just my 2 cents worth

[Dispar_Anthias]

Gouldian,

this friend of yours may be lacking in self confidence. From your discription, he criticise others openly so that he hope to temperory cover up the insecurity he felt towards himself and the events surrounding him. Sort of like 'wanting to gain control over things', letting others knows that he knows.

And his fear to face his mistakes/wrong action to apologise to the affected parties further prompted me to confirm his lack of self confidence.

No beating, scolding, nagging will help for now. He simply needs one thing: Time..., time to grow up, learn and mature.

Just my 2 cents worth

wah bro hotlemond certainly know human characteristic alot... human psycology too

[Gouldian]

Thanks bro, I will try again next time.

But actually we have been using your methods for very long liao but he still refuses to grow up. How?

Thanks for your kind contribution.

[hermit]

Thanks bro, I will try again next time.

But actually we have been using your methods for very long liao but he still refuses to grow up. How?

Thanks for your kind contribution.

wat to do........

let it be la...........

he will grow up when he wan to be lor

[AquaRa]

he's already so old. how to grow up?

[Gouldian]

he's already so old. how to grow up?

So bro Aquara, what do you think is the best solution?

[roidan]

When he finishes his studies and steps into the working world, we'll see if it'll change him.....provided he stays long enough in this hobby and in this forum for us to see the change

Meanwhile, happy reefing, and as long as he does not 'harm' this forum or reefers in here, let's just be more accomodating

[Lester]

When he finishes his studies and steps into the working world, we'll see if it'll change him.....provided he stays long enough in this hobby and in this forum for us to see the change

Totally agree

[Lin]

Sad, We should all learn not to be that person ourself.. To err is human.

"The fault of others is easily perceived, but that of oneself is difficult to perceive; the faults of others one lays open as much as possible, but one's own fault one hides, as a cheat hides the bad die from the gambler. "

[Gouldian]

Sad, We should all learn not to be that person ourself.. To err is human.

"The fault of others is easily perceived, but that of oneself is difficult to perceive; the faults of others one lays open as much as possible, but one's own fault one hides, as a cheat hides the bad die from the gambler. "

Wah Lin, very profound. Care to elaborate?

[cjh]

super duper chim!!!!>.<

[Lin]

Wah Lin, very profound. Care to elaborate?

nothing much lar.. coz we meet all kinda people around mah. Some good and some bad. Itz a way how we look into the situation. We are all mature people. I hope theres no shallow people around me too. i'm too "pacemaker" liao!

[Gouldian]

nothing much lar.. coz we meet all kinda people around mah. Some good and some bad. Itz a way how we look into the situation. We are all mature people. I hope theres no shallow people around me too. i'm too "pacemaker" liao!

True also lah.

I know you personally and I must say you are one that always gives in to others to the extend that you hurt yourself.

At times, I wish you could just stand up for yourself.

Anyway, I heard from friends that you are doing great now and am happy for you.

Take care my dear sister in reefing.

[diabolus]

well...

shes doing great now...she just got married to her company!

[Lin]

well...

shes doing great now...she just got married to her company!

yea!

[Lin]

okie, here's something to share.

"We should not look at or listen to the one we feel is making us angry and causing us to suffer. In fact, the main root of our suffering is the seed of anger in us. The other person may have said or done something unskillful or unmindful. But his unskillful words or actions arise from his own suffering. He may just be seeking some relief, hoping to survive. The excessive suffering of one person will very often overflow onto others. A person who is suffering needs our help, not our anger."

Thich Nhat Hanh

[mUAr_cHEe]

the way some of you all post machaim like you know the person like that....

maybe u really do.... but i juz can't help but comment....

joesph... i had a colleague who was like that....

he always thinks he is right. he will screw his manager just because he thinks he is right. he will demand this and that just because he think he is right and everyone else owes him a living.

finally, with the golden plate that the emperor has bestowed to me, and with evidence and proof that he has been embazzling company money (6 figure), doing his own business (resulting in conflict of interest), and selling company services at a loss, when actually the service sold is in high demand....

I GOT THE BOSS TO FIRE HIS SORRY ######!!!!!!

okie... now that is off my chest....

my personal experience.... leopard can never change its spots.... unless the leopard 'hit the wall'...

a thief will always steal.. and never repent as long as he does not get caught, even thou he knows it is wrong...

a speeder will always speed... and never repent as long as he does not get caught, got into an accident, even thou he knows it is wrong....

a rapist will always rape... and never repent as long as he does not get caught, kena AIDS, even thou he knows its is wrong...

All 3 and other wrong-doers will never learn and change untill they get what they deserved....

so as for yr fren.... just let him be.... once he is out there in the real world (assuming he is not working yet)... let him kena there jia lat jiat lat..... then hopefully for his sake.... he learns and changes his ways.... otherwise.... hey.... he live or die.... yr life still goes on right???

*making an attempt to sound more profound than Lin... i must be the most profound jiemei in SRC!!!*

[seamonkee]

okie, here's something to share. 

"We should not look at or listen to the one we feel is making us angry and causing us to suffer. In fact, the main root of our suffering is the seed of anger in us. The other person may have said or done something unskillful or unmindful. But his unskillful words or actions arise from his own suffering. He may just be seeking some relief, hoping to survive. The excessive suffering of one person will very often overflow onto others. A person who is suffering needs our help, not our anger."

Thich Nhat Hanh

You explain it very well, Lin.... and I agree with bro roidan... maybe when your friend step into the working world then will he learn... and this is often the case...

Sometimes when I think back about those days when I was still freshly 18 or so, I can't help but laugh at all my silly antics and the way I talk... and even more those people which I could have offended unknowingly...

Give your friend some time to grow up since he is still young... and dun let it bother you... we meet all sorts of funny people all the time... bottomline is whether do you want to let it affect you or not...

Cheerios, bro

[diabolus]

well...i suspect that the person is already in the working world.

[Dispar_Anthias]

Wah you guys like all seem to know that person very well

[Gouldian]

the way some of you all post machaim like you know the person like that....

maybe u really do.... but i juz can't help but comment....

joesph... i had a colleague who was like that....

he always thinks he is right. he will screw his manager just because he thinks he is right. he will demand this and that just because he think he is right and everyone else owes him a living.

finally, with the golden plate that the emperor has bestowed to me, and with evidence and proof that he has been embazzling company money (6 figure), doing his own business (resulting in conflict of interest), and selling company services at a loss, when actually the service sold is in high demand....

I GOT THE BOSS TO FIRE HIS SORRY ######!!!!!!

okie... now that is off my chest....

my personal experience.... leopard can never change its spots.... unless the leopard 'hit the wall'...

a thief will always steal.. and never repent as long as he does not get caught, even thou he knows it is wrong...

a speeder will always speed... and never repent as long as he does not get caught, got into an accident, even thou he knows it is wrong....

a rapist will always rape... and never repent as long as he does not get caught, kena AIDS, even thou he knows its is wrong...

All 3 and other wrong-doers will never learn and change untill they get what they deserved....

so as for yr fren.... just let him be.... once he is out there in the real world (assuming he is not working yet)... let him kena there jia lat jiat lat..... then hopefully for his sake.... he learns and changes his ways.... otherwise.... hey.... he live or die.... yr life still goes on right???

*making an attempt to sound more profound than Lin... i must be the most profound jiemei in SRC!!!*

I fully agree with you MC!

What this friend dunno is that if he were to step into the society, he will get disasterous consequences. Which is something we wanted very much to prevent.

As a friends, we only can avoid him. But as a colleague, most people will have no choice but to eliminate him as all of us have to be answerable for non-performance.

Which brings me back to Lin perspective. Lin, I know you are a very nice person, but I feel that your perspective of always pointing back to yourself in every problem is unhealthy and dangerous at time too. As per all things in life, we have to have "Moderation".

Now back to our main issue, at my course of work, I have seen lots of very young and promising executives being reduced to nothing all because they are too arrogant or brash and never heed advises from the seniors.

Sometimes, I really hope that I can just ignore him as some of my friends do but someone just have to do the job of educating him in a way that he will learn and at the same time does not cost him alot.

Thus, I posted here. So far, I have been given fantastic tips and perspectives on how to go about assist this friend of mine.

Thank you all bros & sis, I know I can count on you guys!

[Dispar_Anthias]

I fully agree with you MC!

What this friend dunno is that if he were to step into the society, he will get disasterous consequences. Which is something we wanted very much to prevent.

As a friends, we only can avoid him. But as a colleague, most people will have no choice but to eliminate him as all of us have to be answerable for non-performance.

Which brings me back to Lin perspective. Lin, I know you are a very nice person, but I feel that your perspective of always pointing back to yourself in every problem is unhealthy and dangerous at time too. As per all things in life, we have to have "Moderation".

Now back to our main issue, at my course of work, I have seen lots of very young and promising executives being reduced to nothing all because they are too arrogant or brash and never heed advises from the seniors.

Sometimes, I really hope that I can just ignore him as some of my friends do but someone just have to do the job of educating him in a way that he will learn and at the same time does not cost him alot.

Thus, I posted here. So far, I have been given fantastic tips and perspectives on how to go about assist this friend of mine.

Thank you all bros & sis, I know I can count on you guys!

CHIM... brother i catching no bal** liao

[seamonkee]

well...i suspect that the person is already in the working world.

I think he is just starting to step into the working world.... Hopefully he will learn that being abrasive, direct and arrogant will get him into lots and lots of trouble...

[Gouldian]

No mah, in reference to MC quote, my friends will be in deep shit if he carry on let that.