Frustrating experience in reefing

[jesperlam]

I have been in this hobby for more than a year. Few months back, when i got back from work, i saw my tank with 2 huge clownfishes (Maroon and Percula) and a huge Angel. My tank is only 2.5ft and there's already 5 different fishes in there, and i dont intend to add anymore in it so the bioload wont increase.

So i'm back from work seeing those LS in my tank, and i went straight to confront my mum. I scolded her and told her to call me when she wants to "touch" my tank in the future. We had an huge arguement on this matter but i didnt took those LS out. Few days later the LS died in my tank.

Few days ago, i'm back quite late and the tank lights were already out. I used my torch light and took a look at my tank. I'm really pissed when i saw an anemone in my tank. Nasty anemone will wander all over the tank and stinging the other corals so i went confronting my mum again.

What she did really makes me slowly losing interest in this hobby. I love this hobby alot but its not the way i want it to be now. Totally out from what i've actually planned. Any bros here encountered such problems before? Do share, Thanks.

[hamannbmw]

i would suggest u have a good talk with yr mum, tell her about bioload and so on and also the reef compatability.

I use to have this problem b4 with my dad while i was having a FW tank with a super red aro, my dad without quarantine the frogs and feed to my aro, one day the aro died infront of me.

Guess wat, my aro is only 8 inch, and my dad give him huge bull frogs (those 50c per piece)

cool.. and no matter wat she is still yr mum.

[mantis]

Understand your frustration....but take a moment to consider that perhaps your mom was just trying to show an interest in your past-time, hobby....if indeed that was so...u shld count yourself lucky. I guese educating your mom is a way to avoid further angst but losing your cool and hving an argument doesn't seem like a harmonious way to settle this. Keep your cool.

[typrobin]

when i was reefing, i was lucky... my mom listened to me and never add anything without my approval...my dad too.. they left the hobby to me until the fengshui master...

[LaW]

seriously man...

ur mum its just being kind. as in shes trying to get more fishes for u.

so dun talk to your mum in an unfriendly tone.

although its a "fault" but still... she just being kind. i bet ur mum already "feel bad" enuff after what happened as all her efforts went down to the drain. i dun think shes trying to make u lose interest. infact i think shes loving it thats why she goes through all the troubles on buying some LS for ur tank thinking u will actually appreciate what she did. but then too bad...

i had this experience before as my sis bought home a number of fishes.

like a lobster, seahorse, common clown, ""3" blue tang", 2 damsels for my "2 feet tank"

at first, I was quite pissed as my tank already heavily stocked. but still i understand why my sis was trying to do so i didnt blame her. after talking to my sis about the problem she made, she felt bad enough and stopped buying LS for me already.

anyway,

after a while the seahorse, clown and one of the damsels died.

but for the rest, its already been more than a yr in my "2 feet tank".

its not their fault for not knowing anything about bioloads or reef compatability when they just trying to show some interests to our hobby seriously.

If i were u, i will apologise to her if i lose my temper infront of her on that day.

not telling u what is right or wrong but just let you know on what i will do if i were u. treat it as a reference.

alot of people around us espeically our gf or family members may be discouraging us from reefing because of the hassle and money we are spending on it. but still, after a while, they will try to make an interest in it because ITS our hobby.

takes time, have a good talk with ur mum.

happy reefing, dun get disappointed, just keep going, we are here to guide you

regards,

LaW

[Alentino]

Respect her and educate her on reefing.

[AquaRa]

i think she's trying to make you happy lah. Anyway, who can resist the cute clowns? try to understand why she did it. don't quarrel with her.

[kokhui]

Yah, don't be angry with her lah. She like many of us here cannot resist the temptation to buy fish and corals for the tank @ home! She is probably another of us who likes to "chiong" LFS.

Introducr her to SRC if she knows how to surf the net and try to share with her the knowledge that you aquire here! Bon Chance!

[sunny03]

jesperlam you are very fortunar to have ur parents so supportive ..

mine will only nag at me for spenting so much on reefing

and dont even allow me to put the tank in the living,

[Copperband]

actually ur mum is being sweet....... she is just trying to express her love for u through buying u fish.....u shouldnt confront her with that...... she is after all ur mum.... and she is human... and human makes mistake..... do talk to her ok ??

[Clownfish]

well... try to talk to her nicely lor... tell her bout diffrence b/w SW n FW... SW cannot hav so many fishes n certain corals hav special requirements...

another way may be to show her pics of corals... tell her wats 'in' (those corals that u wish to keep) n wats not.... tell her wat u intend to look out for n buy in the future.. show her how nice they look

[jesperlam]

The problem is i told her many many a times about this and that and you know old ppl have the tendency to forget things easily. Thats why i tell her if she were to buy anything, just gimme a buzz. At least i can advice her what to buy. I even applied for a hp line for her just in case she's out and need to use the phone.

So much for the prevention measures but still no improvement. And she have that kinda anger that really frustrate you dudes. She dont like to be confronted but if this kinda things keeps on happening, i just cant be that nice already. Just like what some bros said, my efforts will go down the drain.

[LaW]

relax bro relax... =)

[weishun]

Yah man.. relax bro.. cool.. My parents will only complaint about the sticky floors due to my tank and my obsession over this hobby.

Now a days very difficult to find supportive parents whom appreciates this hobby. Luckily for me, i managed to educate my parents about the beauty of this hobby and livestocks.

Today they love the tank and already makes adopts a habit of watching the tank after dinner and praising the fishes. Sometimes making fun of them saying that the fishes are playful.

It takes time lah bro.. just relax.. encourage your mum to setup a tank of her own or wat. What matters most is that you educate her on handling livestocks and upkeeping a marine tank.

Cheers bro.

[zorden]

its my father in-law that get my into this marine business.

he kinda love marine tank so much that he not only got a custom made tank for me and also lots of fishes...

[damienkee]

hey, if i were u, i will be same like u dude!

or mayb u can setup a tank for her, so u both can share experience and she will face problem on her own tank too. so that time she will more understand on wat is actually happening, and y u r not keeping add on LS lo...

juz some of my view... u can take it as refference lo... cheer up bro!

[Reefbum]

In this hobby, there are a lot of challenges.Not only do we need to know about marine life but also the life we have at home.Make peace not war.

[djviper]

want mother or fish?

u decide

[Marineman]

want mother or fish?

u decide

Fish, I suppose, as it is not the girlfriend.

Jesper,

All mother loves their children and always wants the best for them. She tries to be kind and thought buying the fish and anemone will give you a surprise and makes you happy. So you have to explain to her how you want her to be involved or not at all and explain to her not to simply buy fishes and corals and always check with you first. If she is willing to spend, ask for to pay for a bigger tank!

After scolding her (understandable), I am sure she felt very bad and maybe she even cried as her son scolds her for something she did out of love for you not understanding about marine or being briefed by you. For her good intentions, I suggest you give her a big hug and say sorry to her for scolding her tonight. You can see her reaction, she will cry out of happiness. Then you explain to her about the hobby and possibly her assistance for an upgrade. You kill 2 birds with one stone. Sorry is not a difficult enough word to say, except it is less said.

[chrislwp]

Stand by a quarantine tank, inform your mum that all new stuff should go into the quarantine tank first.. so she will be simply add to your tank.

[Marineman]

Stand by a quarantine tank, inform your mum that all new stuff should go into the quarantine tank first.. so she will be simply add to your tank.

What's the point if what she buys does not fit in, compatibility wise, better to educate her

[woverine]

bro, cool down esp. wif u mum.

she a gd mum.

well no offence I believe the problem lies in u

( u dunt like plp too meddle ur "stuuff" ) even its ur mum.

well u see ur mum like to buy so why not tell her or show a pic of what u want to buy this way u save money or..

better still bring her along and both choose what u guys agree to buy -

u happy she happy thus mother and son bonding strenghten.

gd luck

[Dazza]

Communication is the best cure. If it still doesnt work then buy her a tank of her own. Then maybe she'll leave yrs alone....

[Kelmen]

chrislwp feedback is good. Get a QT for her.

The point should be you "sweet" talk her to put all her new baby into the QT. Say because the existing will have some bad stuff can kill her new toy. By placing the new one into QT, then you will follow up with proper procedure to enhance its survivalibility.

(hehe... reverse story of the actual one, anyway, its "sweet" talk story)

hehe... maybe don't use the term Quarantine Tank, say its "Hospital Tank".

Tell her its same like those SARS accident (no offense, but get a more striking story to her), we all don't want that happen in your existing tank lah.

Or maybe if she always buy from same LFS, work with that LFS. Said SMS you whenever your mummy buy something loh.

[woverine]

bro how is it ? managed to keep stuff "undercontrol" ?