Constructive Comments

[Marineman]

This is a post I pulled out of another reef forum which I find meaningful to share with you guys as flaming occurs from time to time in this forum

There was a post on RC about a guy who many believe overstocked his tank. Upon defending his position, he was summarily flamed incesantly by many members on this board due to this individuals percieved excesses. While I agreed with the position of the respondents, I chose to take a different tack. My response assumed he was not willing to change his stocking levels and suggested other things he might do to help improve the life of the fish he was keeping. While I made clear my position on stocking levels, I did not flame the crud out of him. However, I didn't think I would my post would do much to change his position either.

Out of the blue, he emailed me today. He said that out of all the respondents, I offered the most constructive suggestions and that he was weary of the flaming. He hoped I was open to further private disussions about keeping fish.

This was very flattering and I don't want to come off as a stuck up snob that knows how to handle everything and know how everyone should run their tank. But, the point is that no matter how much you believe someone is doing something wrong, there is no way you are important enough to control how someone else manages their tank. Furthermore, flaming them to death accomplishes nothing other than to have the flamee call you bad names. While flaming seems to be the thing for chat rooms across the net, it would be nice if RC members could hold themselves to a higher standard. Flaming someone accomplishes just the opposite of what your trying to do: get your message across to help educate or illuminate your subject. Instead your message gets tuned out, just like you tuned out your mom and dad when they tried to communicate by screaming at you.

TRY AND PUT YOURSELF IN THE OTHER PERSONS SHOES AND OFFER ADVICE IN A CONTEXT THAT THE OTHER PERSON WILL BE RECEPTIVE TOWARDS. You might be surprised at the results. I was.

[mUAr_cHEe]

think mods should pin this up or sumthing....

quite useful.... i feel....

juz my 2 cents... no need to flame me.... there will be nothing accomplished by flaming me....

hiakz hiakz...

[djviper]

More pple go undergo NLP haha

[DeepBlue]

I come from an organisation that is trying very hard for pple to share their ideas, strategies and knowledge. In many ways, it works just like the forum....

when we started this... we encouraged each other and congratulated each other for sharing what they know, we engaged in little 'clarification sessions' politely if we see things differently. IT HELPS to get more pple on board to share. But when we forgot how to conduct ourselves properly...what was only achieved was turning pple away from sharing anything (with the hostility and unwithheld criticism)

We should always take a long hard look at ourselves and our conduct as guest here in SRC.

Try to ask ourselves:

Are we here to seek info?

Are we here to look for good lobang? (Apparently quite a lot of reefers only 'contribute' significantly at the Pasar Malam sub-forum)

Are we here to learn from each other and share our knowledge?

The list of intentions goes on and on....

What I benefited most from this forum is the knowledge I get initially when I started reefing seriously. I also like about the sharing of valuable opinions and concerns from fellow hobbyists.

Nowadays, I see more and more pple posting their comments and end with a sentence "dont flame me" or "peace"....

I seriously hope guys here will think twice and take the time to craft your words when you want to state your point. sometimes a little more positive vibes help and pple will tend to think that you have something valuable to share...not just barking from a post and try to bring pple down .

Lastly, we have all been guilty of it one time or another for the lack of patience and posted something nasty to other reefers. Let's take a step back and try to make this a more informative site to hang ard.

[Achilles Tang]

Hear! Hear!!

Superdude speaks truely!!

It's important to conduct oneself well in public... and in cyberspace. Singapore's a small place.... everyone knows everyone and you'll bump into people at the least expected moment and place.

PLUS... it makes the Moderating Team's job a LOT easier... and we will come across as a nice bunch of people who give virtual pats on the backs rather than a hammer-yielding, machine-gun toting, finger chopping, toe-smashing, tongue-cutting Judge Dredds of this virtual community!

[RAV-65]

Yeah, I agree with DB... Not trying to single anyone out, but I remember there are instances around whereby someone say something nasty den just disguise their intentions with an emoticon...

Does this look familiar to you ---->

[typrobin]

i'm am so so guilty...

i'll be good from now...