The Official SRC Joke Thread!

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: Fwd: englishs,frenchs and poles jokes

>

> >The English, The Frenchman and The Polish

> >(Part 1)

> >

> >There was once an English, a Polish and a Frenchman.

> > They were explorers and they were in the same boat.

> > They came to a Pacific island that was inhabited by cannibals.

> >The cannibals were not hungry that day and the

> >chief was in a good mood.

> > He decided to let them live. He said, "Alright, I'll let you leave if

you

> >get whipped on the back,

> > however you may choose what to put on your back before I whip you."

> >

> >The English said he wanted some sand on his back. Sand it was, at the

whip

> >came down hard on him.

> > It waspainful.

> >

> >The Frenchman then asked for oil on his back.

> >It too was very painful.

> >

> >Lastly, it was the Polish's turn, he asked, "May I have the Frenchman on

my

> >back?"

> >

> >

> >The Englishman, The Frenchman and the Polish

> >(Part 2)

> >

> >They both luckily escaped with their lives and went back to their

> >respective countries to bring up a family.

> > As their sons were going abroad to study in the universities, they

> >decided

> >to go on another sea voyage.

> >

> >They met each other on the boat and while sailing through the Pacific

> >Ocean, they encountered the same tribe of cannibals.

> >The Chief that day was not to happy as he had lost three boats during a

> >skirmish with another tribe.

> >He chanced upon this opportunity and said,

> >"You will live no longer than today for I am going to make three boats

from

> >your human skins.

> > However, as Fate have directed us to meet twice, I hereby allow you to

> >choose how you would die."

> >

> >The Englishman voted for a gun, exclaimed, "God save the Queen!" and blew

> >his brains off.

> >The Frenchman unsheathed his sword, shouted, "Viva La France!" and died

> >too.

> >

> >The Polish had to die but he asked for the most painful way of dying.

> >He said that he wanted a fork.

> >The Chief seeing no harm in doing so gave him one.

> >The Polish then poked himself everywhere until he bled to death, but just

> >before he died, he muttered to the Chief, "So long for your boat..."

> >

> >

> >The Englishman, The Frenchman and The Polish

> >(Part 3)

> >

> >The three died, their sons still lived on

> >They all studied archeology and make major breakthroughs in their country

> >

> >The Englishman's son dug 100 metres into the ground and found tar.

> >He said,"100000 years ago, the English had an efficient road system."

> >

> >The Frenchman's son, not to be outdone, dug 200 metres into the ground

and

> >found lines of wire.

> >He said, "200000 years ago, we had wires networking the whole of France."

> >The Polish's son had to do something of course!

> >He dug 100 metres but could find nothing.

> >He dug till 1000 metres below the ground but still could not find

anything.

> >He concluded, "1 million years ago, the Poles already had wireless

> >networks."

> >

> >

> >The Englishman, The Frenchman and The Polish

> >(Part 4)

> >

> >The Englishman, the Frenchman and the Polish dies and went to Hell.

> >On the road, they met the Devil.

> >They bargained with the devil on why they should go to Heaven instead of

> >Hell.

> >

> >The Devil agreed to release them to Heaven if they could ask him a

question

> >that he could not answer.

> >

> >The Englishman thought of a question and knew that the Devil would most

> >likely answer wrongly.

> >He asked, "Who is my favourite football club?"

> >The Englishman secretly smiled as he was seen supporting Chelsea but deep

> >down he supported Tottenham.

> >

> >The Devil calmly answered, "Tottenham Hotspurs." and the Englishman was

> >banished to Hell.

> >The Frenchman tried a trick question. He asked, "Who is the man in the

iron

> >mask?"

> >

> >The Devil answered, "Leonardo DiCaprio, he was the only man in history to

> >be in an iron mask."

> >Poof, the Frenchman was banished to Hell.

> >

> >Last of all, the Polish stepped up, demanding a chair and a drill.

> >He drill seven holes on the chair, sat down and farted.

> >He asked the Devil, "Which hole did I fart from?"

> >

> >The Devil, thinking that all seven holes had fart, had just need to pick

> >one.

> >So he confidently said, "The middle hole."

> >

> >The Polish said, "Ha Ha, I'm going to Heaven,

> >I farted from my asshole, stupid!"

[spade]

Passwords

A friend of mine kept track of his Internet passwords

on a sticky note. I noticed that the one for Disney's

site was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto." When I asked him

why he used such a long password,

he said, "They told me it had to have at least four characters."

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: FW: CHICKEN & ######

>

> Subject: Fwd: CHICKEN & ######

>

>

>

>

> >> > > >A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old ######. As he

feels

> >>that

> >> > > >the old ###### could no longer handle his job efficiently, the

farmer

> >> > > >bought one young ###### from the market.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Old ###### to Young ###### : "Welcome to join me, we will work

together

> >> > > >towards productivity.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Young ###### : What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and

should

>

> >>be

> >> > > >retired.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Old ###### : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I

help

> >>you

> >> > > >with some?

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Young ###### : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Old ###### : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition

and

>

> >>if

> >>I

> >> > > >win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will

> have

> >> > > >all.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Young ###### : O.K. What kind of competition?

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Old ###### : 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my

> age,I

> >> > > >hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Young ###### : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Confidently, the following morning, the Young ###### allows the Old

> >>######

> >> > > >to start off and when the Old ###### crosses the 10 meters mark the

> >>Young

> >> > > >###### chases him with all his might. Soon enough, he was behind the

> >>Old

> >> > > >###### back in a matter of seconds.

> >> > > >

> >> > > >Suddenly, Bang! ..... before he could overtake the old ######, he

was

> >>shot

> >> > > >dead by the farmer, who cursed, "*expletive* hell ! This is the fifth

> >>GAY

> >> > > >chicken I've bought this week !"

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > >>> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > >THE MORAL OF THE STORY :

> >> > > >

> >> > > >NEVER UNDER-ESTIMATE AN OLD ###### .....

[Achilles Tang]

> Drugs Effects

>

> Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking

> dope and appeared in court on Friday in front of the

> Judge.

>

>

> The Judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd

> like to give you a second chance rather than jail time.

> I want you to go out this weekend and try to show

> others the evils of drug use and get them to give up

> drugs forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday."

>

>

> Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said

> to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

>

>

> "Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up

> drugs forever."

>

>

> "17 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?"

>

>

> "I used a diagram, Your Honor. I drew two circles !

> like this:

>

>

> O o

>

>

> ....and told them the big circle is your brain before

> drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

>

>

> "That's admirable!" said the Judge.

>

>

> To the second boy the judge said," And you, how did you

> do?"

>

>

> "Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up

> drugs forever."

>

>

> "156 people! That's amazing!! How did you manage to do

> that?"

>

>

> "Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles

> ...

>

>

> o O

>

>

> .....and said (pointing to the small circle) "this is

> your asshole before prison....."

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: FW: FW: A dinner conversation that went wrong]

>

> watch yr tongue guys...

>

>

>

>

> Subject: Fw: FW: A dinner conversation that went wrong]

>

>

> was that what happen

>

> | > WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

> | >

> | > WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

> | >

> | > WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

> | >

> | > WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

> | >

> | > WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

> | >

> | > WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

> | >

> | > WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

> | >

> | > WIFE: - - - silence - - -

> | >

> | > HUSBAND: "Shit."

[Achilles Tang]

Her Side of the Story :

=======================

He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk a bit more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything, this is really worrying me. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to say it's all over between us. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my> surprise, he responded to my advances. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster.

His Side of the Story:

======================

ENGLAND lost to Brazil.

[Achilles Tang]

..

[Achilles Tang]

> Subject: PCK teachin ###### education

>

> Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining ###### to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius .........

>

> Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?

> PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose

> with your finger mah !

>

> Aloy : Do you think women enjoy ###### more than men ?

> PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel

> better than your finger, right ?

>

> Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?

> PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig

> your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !

>

> Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have ###### when she is having her menses?

> PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah !

Use

> your blain, use your blainnn ..........

>

> Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making

> love ?

> PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on

> your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?

>

> Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?

> PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ......... you go and

> dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!

>

> Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.

> PCK : Aiyah ...... best in Singapore and JB, and some say Batam also ah

!!!

[Achilles Tang]

It's just a joke... so dun take it too seriously so you won't get offended:

Subject: FW: Bhai-logy

> Subject: FW: Bhai-logy

>

>

> Q: Why are there so many Sikh money changers in Singapore?

> A: Because they like to deal in Singh dollars.

>

> Q: Why do Sikhs make good shopkeepers

> A: Because when you enter their shop to buy something, you are the

> buyer; which makes them the buyee.

>

> Q: Did you hear about the Sikh ambulance?

> A: Its siren goes Babu, Babu, Babu...

>

> Q: What do u call a Bhai who wants to make a U-turn?

> A: Ke belakang-pu Singh

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai who drinks only beer?

> A: Jasbir Singh.

>

> Q: What is the study of young bhais?

> A: Microbhailogy.

>

> Q: What was Mrs. Singh called when she posed for Playboy?

> A: Bohcheng Kaur!

>

> Q: What was Mrs. Singh called when she joined a Cantonese criminal

> gang?

> A: Dai Kaur!

>

> Q: What was the Six Million Dollar Bhai also called?

> A: The Bhai-onic man!

>

> Q: Where to find a Bhai doctor?

> A: At Tantock Singh!

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai who comes to visit you every three days?

> A: Sarjit Singh!

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai who's lost?

> A: Miss Singh!

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai who lives between Singapore and Kuantan?

> A: Mer Singh!

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai who's coming only tomorrow?

> A: Mahjit Singh!

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai who likes Chinese herbs?

> A: Gin Singh!

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai with only one testicle?

> A: Balwant Singh!

>

> Q: What do you call a Bhai on a tightrope?

> A: Balance Singh!

>

> Q: What is the official mode of transport for Bhais?

> A: Bhaicycles!

>

> Q: What heart surgery procedure did Mr. Singh undergo?

> A: A bhaipass.

>

> Q: What is the study of Sikhs called?

> A: Bhai-ology

>

> Just Passing Through A Sikh was on his way to Khalsa Club when he

> decided to take a short-cut through somebody's garden.

> The Owner comes out angrily shouting : Hey, do you know you are

> trespassing?

> Sikh answered : No, I'm Jaspar Singh

[Achilles Tang]

The Great Philosophers said...

>Woody Allen: "Having ###### is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

>Tom Clancy: "I believe that ###### is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things money can buy."

>Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want ######? Me neither."

>Rodney Dangerfield: "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no ###### life at all."

>George Burns: "###### at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

>Harvey Korman: "Using ###### is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building."

>Drew Carey: "###### without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

>Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal in women. Among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: FW: FW: Blond's cooking diary

>

>

>

> > Subject: FW: Blond's cooking diary

> >

> >

> >

> > > ######'s Cooking Diary

> > >

> > > Monday:

> > >

> > > It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe

said

> > > beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours were nice enough to loan me

> some

> > > extra bowls.

> > >

> > > Tuesday:

> > >

> > > Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without

> dressing.

> > > So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for

> > > supper.

> > >

> > > Wednesday:

> > >

> > > A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming

> the

> > > rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it

> improved

> > > the

> > > rice any.

> > >

> > > Thursday:

> > >

> > > Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare

> > > ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.

> Which

> > > is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the

garden?

> > >

> > > Friday:

> > >

> > > I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in

bowl

> > > and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe.

> When I

> > > got back,

> > > everything was the same as when I left.

> > >

> > > Saturday:

> > >

> > > Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to

> > > dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to

> ten.

> > >

> > > Sunday:

> > >

> > > Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find

> was

> > > hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in

the

> > > oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much

> to

> > > my disappointment.

> > >

> > > Good night Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager

> for

> > > tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could

just

> > > get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

>

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: FW: Jokes

1. RIDDLE ME THIS (ANSWER AT THE END)

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a really big one, Madonna doesn't have one, and the Pope doesn't use his anymore. What is this?

2. Sunday Drivers

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old ladies were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale. The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous." "I beg to differ, sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman said. The State Police officer, chuckling, explained to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken," the officer asked. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got

off Route 119."

3. Trading Daughter Tales

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were sitting in the pub discussing families. The talk turned to children and each was surprised to find out that they all had 14-year-old daughters. The Englishman explained that his problem was that he had found cigarette butts under his daughter's bed, "I didn't know she smoked," was his lament. The Frenchy then proclaimed that he had found whiskey bottles under his child's bed. "I was not aware that she drank," he moaned. The Irishman was adamant that he had the more pressing problem -- he had found condoms under his darling daughter's bed. "I didn't know she had a dick," he wailed.

ANSWER: A last name. Get your mind out of the gutter.

[Achilles Tang]

> Subject: Love Ingredients.

>

>

> This is funny.....

>

> Ingredients:

> 4 Laughing eyes

> 4 Well-shaped legs

> 4 Loving arms

> 2 Firm milk containers

> 2 Nuts

> 1 Fur-lined mixing bowl

> 1 Firm banana

>

> Directions:

> 1. Look into laughing eyes.

> 2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.

> 3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.

> 4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl,

> working in and out until well creamed.

> For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.

> 5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and

> cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).

> 6. The cake is done when banana is soft.

> If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or

> change mixing bowls.

>

> Notes:

> 1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen,

> wash utensils carefully before and after use.

> 2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.

> 3. If cake rises, leave town.

[Achilles Tang]

haha!!! Learn frm this guys!!

heehee...

>

> Subject: What a chat up line........

>

>

> > >

> > > A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to

a

> > > very

> > > attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks

> > > at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your

> date

> > > running late?'

> > > 'No,' he replies, 'Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I

> was

> > > just testing it.'

> > > The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special

> > > about

> > > it?'

> > > Bond explains, ' It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'

> > > The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

> > > Bond: 'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties....'

> > > The woman giggles and replies, 'Well, it must be broken because I am

> > > wearing

> > > panties ' .

> > > Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody thing's an hour fast.'

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: Fw: FW: jokes

>

>

> > >

> > >

> > > > > > Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the

first

> thought to come in your mind?

> > > > > > Husband: that you are a ######.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ===========================

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the

U.S ???

> > > > > > Because the people started licking the wrong side!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ===========================

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Girl to hungry boyfriend: If my right leg was afternoon

meal &

> left leg evening meal what would you prefer?

> > > > > > Boyfriend: Eating between meals

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ===========================

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich,

Rich men

> wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married

> > > > > > & Married men wish they were Dead!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ===========================

> > > > > >

> > > > > > How do you teach a girl maths?

> > > > > > Add a bed, subtract her clothes, divide her legs, enter

your

> square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't multiply!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ===========================

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Lady : "I want a good vibrator";

> > > > > > Salesman: "Ma'am you may select one from our range that is

> displayed on that wall";

> > > > > > Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one";

> > > > > > Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ===========================

> > > > > >

> > > > > > A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the

child..

> > > > > > The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine";

> > > > > > The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a

can

> comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine !!"

> > > > > >

> > > > > > ===========================

> > > > > >

> > > > > > A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours

> forever."

> > > > > > The guy says 'thanks for the warning'

> > > > > >

> > > > > > * * * * * * * * *

> > > > > >

> > > > > > A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after ######?"

> > > > > > He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"

> > > > > >

> > > > > > * * * * * * * * * * *

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Definition of a Gynecologist:

> > > > > > Someone who looks for problems where others look for

pleasure!!!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > **************

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Man to wife on wedding night-"Are you sure I'm the first

man you

> are sleeping with?'

> > > > > > "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!'

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > >

[spade]

enuf pump discussion for the day, let get some fun on the "pump"

Late one night, an alien spacecraft landed near a deserted gas station. After a bit, one of the aliens came down the ramp, looked around, and walked over to one of the gas pumps, where he demanded

"Earthling! Take me to your leader!"

The gas pump, of course, did not reply. The alien became agitated and again demanded

"Take me to your leader!"

The gas pump remained silent. Frustrated, the alien went back to the spacecraft where he was confronted by the captain:

"Report!"

"I contacted an earthling - he would not cooperate."

"Hmmm. I will deal with this earthling myself."

"Yes sir. Be careful sir, I have a feeling there could be trouble."

The captain left the ship and approached the gas pump.

"Earthling, you will cooperate. Take me to your leader."

The gas pump remained unresponsive.

"Very well."

The captain drew his blaster.

"If you do not respond by the count of three, I shall be forced to fire on you. ..... One. Two. Three!"

ZZZZZT! WHAM! The gas pump exploded, knocking the alien ###### over tea kettle. The captain jumped up and got back to the ship as fast as his whatevers would propel him.

"Quickly! Make ready to depart!"

"Yes sir. What happened sir?"

"I fired on the earthling and it responded very forcefully."

"Sorry sir, I was afraid that might happen."

"How did you know that there would be trouble?"

"Well sir, I assumed that anyone who can take his dick, wrap it around his feet and stick it in his left ear is probably going to be one mean bastard."

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: FW: Best ###### Joke! ha

>Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each

>day, they noticed the boss left work early.

>

>One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right

>behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would

>she know they went home early?

>

>The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,

>spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

>

>The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa

>before meeting a dinner date.

>

>The ###### was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when

>she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and

>quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in

>bed with her boss!

>

>Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

>

>The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to

>leave early again, and they asked the ###### if she was going to go with

>them.

>

>"No way," the ###### exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

[Achilles Tang]

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[Achilles Tang]

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[TanGo]

Facts about Man woman gotta live with....

Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. - Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your oil.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags and shoes are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that it's like camping!

THE END