The Official SRC Joke Thread!

[Achilles Tang]

Got this in my email,

Any Malaysians who love Dr M, plz refrain from reading this!

[dodo]

[spade]

Good Advise

I was happy. My girlfriend and I, were dating for over a year, and so

we

decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends

encouraged me, and my

girlfriend?

She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering

me, quite much

indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be.

She was a career woman, smart, but most of all

beautiful and ######, who

sometimes flirted me, quite obviously too,

and made me feel uncomfortable. One day, she called

me and asked me to

come over, to check the invitations.

So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she

whispered to me, that

soon I was to be married,

and she had feelings and desires for me that she

can't overcome.

So before I get married and commit my life to her

daughter, she wants to

make love to me just once.

What could I say? I was in total shock, and

couldn't say a word.

So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you

are up for it, just

come and get me.

I just watched her delicious behind as she went up

the stairs. I stood

there for a moment,

and then turned around and went to the front

door... I opened it, and

stepped out of the house.

Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in

his eyes, hugged me

and said,

we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our

little test.

We couldn't have asked for a better man for our

daughter.

Welcome to the family.

Lesson learned:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Achilles Tang]

> Subject: US Vs Baghdad

>

>

>

>

>

>

> > Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round

> > of talks in a new peace process.

> >

> > When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's

> > chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the

> > first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and

> > punches Bush I! n the face. Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Saddam

> > laughs.

> >

> > A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot

> > comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again

> > George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of

> > peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed

> > and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in his nut's, he's

> > finally had enough.

> >

> > I'm heading' back to Washington!" he calmly tells the Ir! aqi. "We'll

> > finish these talks in two weeks in Washington!"

> >

> > A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As

> > the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and

> > prepares himself for the Yank's retaliation. They begin talking and

> > George presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens.

> > George snickers.

> >

> > A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but!

> > again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button

> > is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, but again nothing happens. Bush falls

> > on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

> >

> > "Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

> >

> > George W. says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

[Achilles Tang]

You thought your baby photos were safe at the hospital? NO!!! They have your records!

See for yourselves!

http://www.nurseryphotos.com/

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: FW: FW : A lesson for every salaried employee

HEAR! HEAR!

********************************************************************************

****************

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices'it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please".

The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, low and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the

shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing, the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor.

The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big iron gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.

"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!", to which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."

Moral of the story .....

You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall short of the bosses' expectations.

[spade]

A lesson for every salaried employee (Rumored Version)

HEAR! HEAR!

********************************************************************************

****************

Rumor watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices'it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please".

The dog has money in its mouth, as well. Rumor looks inside and, low and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. Rumor is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the

shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing, the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with Rumor following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. Rumor is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. Rumor follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor.

Rumor is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big iron gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

Rumor watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. Rumor surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.

"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!", to which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."

Moral of the story .....

Never believe what Rumor tell u abt dogs

[Phang]

Wahahahahahahaaaaa..............

There you go again........

Good Old Spade.....

Woof* Woof*

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: FW: ...i'm proud of my son...

>

>

> Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they

> were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a

> phone call.

>

> The other three were discussing their children while walking to

> the first tee.

>

> "My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself

> in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now

> owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful,

> in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a

> brand new home as a gift."

>

> The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career

> as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership.

> "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a

> friend two brand new cars as a gift."

>

> The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a

> stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the

> last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio

> as a gift.

>

> As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell

> him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny

> are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

>

> "To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned

> out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser,

> and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

>

> As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the

> bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last

> three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a

> big stock portfolio."

[KingFish]

I HAD A LONG DAY BUT THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE SHOWSTOPPER...

WOULD YOU GUYS PLEASE STOP THIS 'MERDE'? (DON'T UNDERSTAND, GO CHECK)

AND YES, ITS IN CAPS COZ I AM SHOUTING... AND FOR VERY GOOD REASON TOO

AT, would you kindly do me a favour and remove just the offensive post, and any other links relating to this?

[spade]

sorry

[Achilles Tang]

COool down bro, it's just good natured ribbing... I am sure there are other dog-lovers around like myself who could be the next target... these guys don't know what it's like to have a pet dog!

If you like, I can demote them to plankton but I will demand a ANF pack of dog biscuits for Harry..

[Achilles Tang]

Look.. you made Spade cry!!!

[Phang]

COool down bro, it's just good natured ribbing... I am sure there are other dog-lovers around like myself who could be the next target... these guys don't know what it's like to have a pet dog!

If you like, I can demote them to plankton but I will demand a ANF pack of dog biscuits for Harry..

"Them"???????

[lona]

[dodo]

yeah...act blur in tis type of situation....

[Achilles Tang]

Somebody said *woof woof*?

[KingFish]

I understand if its an occassional jab at me, but I did indicate my displeasure for jokes at my expense, particularly since it is totally untrue.

Intentions aside, I have to politely ask if this be put to a stop.

Thanks

Spade, apologies accepted, take it easy man.

[spade]

displeasure noted sorry! no more nonsense from me

[Achilles Tang]

I understand if its an occassional jab at me, but I did indicate my displeasure for jokes at my expense, particularly since it is totally untrue.

Rumor, I highly doubt if any one thinks its TRUE!!! Hee hee!

Good men, you and spade... highly decent specimens of manhood... *cough* unlike some people *cough* *cough* who WERE here.

[Phang]

Er hem..... er hem...... you not talking bout me... izzit.....????

Hey Rumour,

really jus joking....... hope you're not really offended.....

no wanna make enemies here but friends.... in fact good friends......

[victorp]

Berkeley California

(Sung to the tune "Hotel California" by Eagles)

In a dark dim machine room

Cool A/C in my hair

Warm smell of silicon

Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance

I saw a Solarian light

My kernel grew heavy, and my disk grew slim

I had to halt(8) for the night

The backup spun in the tape drive

I heard a terminal bell

And I was thinking to myself

This could be BSD or USL

Then they started a lawsuit

And they showed me the way

There were salesmen down the corridor

I thought I heard them say

Welcome to Berkeley California

Such a lovely place

Such a lovely place (backgrounded)

Such a lovely trace(1)

Plenty of jobs at Berkeley California

Any time of year

Any time of year (backgrounded)

You can find one here

You can find one here

Their code was definately twisted

But they've got the stock market trends

They've got a lot of pretty, pretty lawyers

That they call friends

How they dance in the courtroom

See BSDI sweat

Some sue to remember

Some sue to forget

So I called up Kernighan

Please bring me ctime(3)

He said

We haven't had that tm_year since 1969

And still those functions are calling from far away

Wake up Jobs in the middle of the night

Just to hear them say

Welcome to Berkeley California

Such a lovely Place

Such a lovely Place (backgrounded)

Such a lovely trace(1)

They're livin' it up suing Berkeley California

What a nice surprise

What a nice surprise (backgrounded)

Bring your alibies

Windows NT a dreaming

Pink OS on ice

And they said

We are all just prisoners here

Of a marketing device

And in the judges's chambers

They gathered for the feast

They diff(1)'d the source code listings

But they can't kill -9 the beast

Last thing I remember

I was restore(8)'ing | more(1)

I had to find the soft link back to the path I was before

sleep(3) said the pagedaemon

We are programmed to recv(2)

You can swap out any time you like

But you can never leave(1)

[substitute whirring of disk and tape drives for guitar solo]

Written by David Barr

and Ken Hornstein

and a little help from Greg Nagy

[victorp]

Spealing Cheker

Eye halve a spelling chequer

It came with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect awl the weigh

My chequer tolled me sew.

[wolfie]

[wolfie]