The Official SRC Joke Thread!

[kelstorm]

Caught for Speeding:

> The cop got out of his car and the kid he had stopped for

>

> speeding rolled down his window.

>

> "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

> The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."

> When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the

> kid on his way without a ticket.

>

> Stuck under a Bridge:

> A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.

>

> A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before

> he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets

>

> stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

> Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car

>

> and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his

>

> hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

>

> The truck driver says.......,

>

> "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

>

> Don't mess with these Ladies:

> A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to

>

> check tickets.

> As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,

>

> and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without

>

> missing a beat she said.......,

>

> "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

>

> Let's go for Stupid:

> A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery

>

> store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

>

> She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

>

> The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

>

>

> Too Late:

>

> The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car

>

> parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily

> along, he was stopped by a policeman.

>

> "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.

>

> "I'm going to a lecture." The man said.

>

> "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"

> the cop asked. "My wife," said the man.

What do you do with 365 used condoms at the end of the year?

> > > > > ANS:- Melt them, make a tyre and call it> > > > >"GOODYEAR"

[Achilles Tang]

as usual, take it wif a pinch of salt...

Six Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

THE DOCTOR because he says "take your clothes off."

THE DENTIST because he says "open wide."

THE HAIR DRESSER because he says "do you want them teased or

blown?"

THE MILKMAN because he says "do you want it in the back or in the front?"

THE INTERIOR DECORATOR because he says "once it's in you'll love it."

THE BANKER because he says "if you take it out too soon you'll lose interest."

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can

spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

[Achilles Tang]

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[Achilles Tang]

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[Achilles Tang]

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[Achilles Tang]

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[Achilles Tang]

How to check if a man still virgin

> > > > > > A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Kuala Lumpur.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > Before she left, her mother gave her some advice.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match

> > > > > > there,

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > you must take note of the following the requirements Mother set

> > > > > > for

> > > >you.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > You must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift'

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > and must be a 'virgin'.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > mother's blessings to marry.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one

> > > > > > day,

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > he took care of me specifically even though there were

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > so many prettier girls around."

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > "Isn't that being faithful?"

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > Her mother nodded in agreement.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > "Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared

> >

> > > > > > one

> > > >room

only".

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > "Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement,

> > > >

> > > > > > but with a little concern.

> > > >

> > > > > > "And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > > > "How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with

> > > >repidition.

> > > >

> > > > > > "Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic,

> > mum!"

[Achilles Tang]

> Subject: FW: Bill and Hillary

>

>

>

>

> Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that

> she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she's in the middle of her first term

> as Senator of New York

> and this has happened to her. She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and

> immediately starts screaming; "How could you have let this happen? With

> all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you?

> I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is

> all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?"

>

> There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

> She screams again, "Did you hear me?"

>

> Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice.

> In a barely audible whisper, he says,

>

>

>

>

>

>

> "Who is this?"

[Achilles Tang]

Budweiser

download and view MPEG here

[Achilles Tang]

> Subject: FW: Scrabble this

>

>

> > >This has got to be one of the most clever E-Mails ever seen. Someone

> > >out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

> > >

> > >GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

> > >

> > >DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

> > >

> > >EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT

> > >

> > >PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

> > >

> > >DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

> > >

> > >THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

> > >

> > >SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

> > >

> > >ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

> > >

> > >MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

> > >

> > >SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE

> > >Z'S

> > >

> > >A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE

> > >

> > >THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER

> > >SHAKE

> > >

> > >ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rarrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE

> > >

> > >And for the grand finale:

> > >

> > >PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters

> > >(With no letters left over and using each letter only once!):

> > >

> > > TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

> > >

> > >Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

[Achilles Tang]

especially like the CIA,FBI,LAPD one....enjoy!

===========================================================

The Farmer's Daughter

A farmer and his daughter were coming back from town with their money from some sales and a large sack of flour when all of a sudden these highway men held them up and robbed them of everything.

A few minutes later the farmer exclaims, "We're ruined, all the money's gone and there's no flour for bread!"

His daughter says, "No, papa, I hid the money in my you-know-what."

The farmer said, "You're a good girl, but if your mamma was here -

she could have saved the sack of flour as well!"

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

[Achilles Tang]

> Subject: FW: SINGAPOREAN PROVERBS

>

>

>

> Our local philosopher Confuseus brings you some thought provoking

> local proverbs.

>

> CONFUSEUS SAY:

>

> One man's urine is another man's drinking water.

>

> Citizens should be seen and not heard.

>

> You pay millions, you still get monkeys.

>

> We pay monkeys to get peanuts.

>

> After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer

> has the job of budgeting the balance.

>

> Cleanliness is next to a Corrective Work Order.

>

> The early bird catches the Hello Kitty.

>

> Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man an NSF.

>

> Familiarity breeds people who might borrow money from you.

>

> Where there's a will, there's a potential lawsuit.

>

> Absence makes the man a quitter.

>

> A land that rewards foreign talents over locals, will soon be foreign

> of talents locally, and eventually be foreign of talents totally.

>

> What goes up can never come down: Law of GST and PTC.

>

> You can lead a citizen to Newater, and you can force it to drink.

>

> One good hike deserves another.

>

> Every big hike starts with a small hike.

>

> Lightning can strike twice if you suay-suay defame the wrong person.

>

> A bird in the hand is cheaper than going Geylang.

>

> No news is SPH news.

>

> Make hae while the mee boils.

>

> Old soldiers never die, they merely become insurance agents.

>

> Two's company, but three's a GRC.

[Achilles Tang]

> Subject: R u the weakest link?

>

>

>

> The Stupid Test!

>

>

>

> OK. Pay close attention.

> Here is a very simple little test

> comprised of four easy questions

> to determine the level of your intellect.

>

>

<http://funnygreetings.com/stupidtest/book_worm_closeup_blink_md_wht.gif>

>

> Your replies must be spontaneous and immediate,

> with no deliberating or wasting of time.

> And no cheating!

>

>

>

> On your mark, get set, go...

>

>

>

> 1: You are competing in a race

>

> and overtake the runner in second place.

>

> <http://funnygreetings.com/stupidtest/runner_athlete_running_md_wht.gif>

>

> In which position are you now?

>

>

>

>

>

> Answer: If you answered that you're now in first,

>

> you're wrong!

>

> You overtook the second runner and took his place,

>

> therefore you are now in second place.

>

>

>

>

>

> For the next question try not to be so dim.

>

>

>

> 2: If you overtake the last runner,

>

> what position are you now in?

>

>

>

>

>

> Answer: If you answered second to last,

>

> you are wrong once again.

>

> Think about it...

>

> How can you overtake the person who is last?

>

> If you're behind them, they can't be last.

>

> You would have been last.

>

>

>

> It would appear that thinking

>

> is not one of your strong points.

>

>

>

> Anyway, here's another question to try.

>

> Don't take any notes or use a

>

> calculator, and remember,

>

> your replies must be instantaneous.

>

>

>

<http://funnygreetings.com/stupidtest/smart_guy_teaching_theory_md_wht.gif>

>

>

>

> 3: Take 1000. Add 40. Add another 1000.

>

> Add 30. 1000 again. Plus 20.

>

> Plus 1000. And plus 10.

>

> What is the total?

>

>

>

>

>

> Answer: 5000?

>

> Wrong again!

>

> The correct answer is 4100.

>

>

>

<http://funnygreetings.com/stupidtest/calculator_hand_typing_equation_md_wht

> .gif>

>

> Try again with good calculator.

>

>

>

> Today is clearly not your day,

>

> although you should manage

>

> to get the last question right...

>

>

>

> 4: Marie's father has five daughters:

>

> 1. Chacha

>

> 2. Cheche

>

> 3. Chichi

>

> 4. Chocho

>

> 5. ????

>

> Question: What is the fifth daughter's name?

>

>

>

> Think quickly...you'll find the answer below..

>

> <http://funnygreetings.com/stupidtest/smart_guy_thinking_md_wht.gif>

>

>

>

> Answer: Chuchu?

>

> WRONG!

>

>

>

> It's obviously Marie!

>

> Read the question properly.

>

> You are clearly the weakest link.

>

[Achilles Tang]

1. SLOGAN OF THE WEEK

"Dyslexic Satan worshipers sell their souls to Santa."

2. UGH!

There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store check-out line.

The first little baby says, "Ugh, look at this -- my mom just bought strained plums!"

The second baby says, "You think that's bad -- my mom just bought strained peas!"

The third baby says, "You think you guys got it bad? How would you like to share a breast with a guy that smokes cigars!"

3. A MISUNDERSTANDING

A few monks were sitting around one day talking about the Scriptures and how many times they had been translated. One monk decided to translate them for himself, so went into the library and started to work. He was down there for hours, the hours turned into days. No one saw him for quite some time, and the other monks began to wonder.

Finally, one day, a fellow monk went to the library to look for him. When he found him, the monk that was translating the Scriptures was crying his eyes out, nothing like he had ever seen before.

When he asked what was wrong, the monk told him, "It said 'celebrate,' not celibate!"

[Achilles Tang]

..

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: Fwd: Phua Chu Kang and his creative story

>

> >

> >Phua Chu Kang was asked to make a story using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and

10.

> >

> >This is what he came up with...

> >

> >"1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. After I saw

couple,

> >couple saw me,

> >so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me but

I run

> >until I 6 and

> >throw up. I chabot into 7 eleven to hide and grab some 8 to throw at

him.

> >Then I get 9 and

> >try to stab him. And 10 hor....10 hor ... he die lor. So, I put the

9

back

> >and pay the girl for

> >the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He

said

> >5.

> >Tomorrow l so don need to come back 4 work. He also ask me to climb

a 3

and

> >jump.

> >I don understand, I nice 2 him but I don know what he 1 ...."

[Achilles Tang]

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel.

> >

> >

> >The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

> >

> >

> > * I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't

> >get messed up by being near the window.

> >

> >* I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.I started

> >to explain the length of the flight and the passport information

then she

> >interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but

Capetown

> >is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the

stupid

one,

> >I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in

Africa."

> >Her response ... click.

> >

> >* A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked

> >what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was

expecting an

> >ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since

Orlando

is

> >in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked

on the

> >map, and Florida is a very thin state."

> >

> >* I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see

> >England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close

on

the

> >map."

> >

> >* Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas.

> >When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over

in

> >Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I

heard

> >Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the

gates to

> >save time."

> >

> >* A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible

> >that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at

8:33am.

> >I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but

she

> >could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her

the

> >plane went very fast, and she bought that!

> >

> >* A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical

> >description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?"

I

> >said,"No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in

with the

> >airline,they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm

overweight,

is

> >there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while

I

> >"looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained

the

> >city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a

> >destination tag on her luggage.

> >

> >* A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After

> >going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly

to

> >California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

> >

> >* I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know

> >which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he

> >replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn

planes

> >have numbers on them."

> >

> >* A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of

> >those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on

a

> >commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

> >

> >* A business man called and had a question about the documents he

> >needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about

> >passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've

been to

> >China many times and never had to have one of those." I double

checked

and

> >sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said,

"Look,

> >I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my

American

> >Express."

> >

> >* A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago

> >to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words.

Finally,

the

> >agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what

flights do

> >you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent

came

back

> >with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the

country

> >and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh

don't

> >be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent

scoured

a

> >map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean

Buffalo,

> >do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

> >

> >May God Help America...!

[Achilles Tang]

Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the

> >study of

> > > > birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe

> >spent

> >all

> > > > night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew

his

> >class

> > > > notes backward and forward. Joe was ready. The morning of the

> >test,

> >Joe

> > > > entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row.

> > > >

> > > > On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each

> >bird

> >had

> > >a

> > > > sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When

class

> > > > started, the professor announced that the students were to

> >identify

> >each

> > > > bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species,

> >habitat,

> > > > mating habits, etc. Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They

> >all

> > > > looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed

up

> >all

> > >night

> > > > studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by

their

> >LEGS?

> > >The

> > > > more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.

Finally

> >he

> > > > reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the

> >professor's

> > > > desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk.

"What a

> > > > ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the

> > >difference

> > > > between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the

> >biggest

> > > > rip-off I've ever seen!" With that, Joe turned and stormed

toward

> >the

> > >exit.

> > > > The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to

> >regain

> >his

> > > > composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door,

the

> >prof

> > > > shouted out, Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?" Joe

> >turned

> > > > around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me,

prof!

> >You

> > >tell

> > > > me!"

[Achilles Tang]

> Two Nuns

>

>

> There were two nuns...

> One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

> and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

> It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

>

> SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past

> thirty-eight

> and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

>

> SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

>

> SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most?

> What can we do?

>

> SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

>

> SM: It's not working.

>

> SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He

> started to

> walk faster, too.

>

> SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

>

> SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go

> this way.

> He cannot follow us both.

>

> So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

>

> Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has

> happened to Sister Logical.

>

> Then Sister Logical arrives.

>

> SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

>

> SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he

> followed me.

>

> SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

>

> SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could

and

> he started to run as fast as he could.

>

> SM: And?

>

> SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

>

> SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

>

> SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

>

> SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

>

> SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

>

>

>

> SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

>

> SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

>

>

>

> A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

>

>

> And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: Yindian joke ... ;-P

> Got this from an Indian friend who's now based in Sydney. Had to hold my

> sides in!

>

> > > An Indian couple both age 37, went to a ###### therapist's office. 'The

> >doctor

> > > asked, what can i do for you? The man said, Will you watch us have

> sexual

> > > intercourse? The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple

> > > finished, the doctor said, There's nothing wrong with the way you have

> > > intercourse, and charged them$50. This happened several weeks in a

row.

> >The

> > > couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems

pay

> >the

> > > doctor then leave. finally the doctor asked, Just exactly what are you

> > > trying to find out? The man said, We're not trying to find out

anything.

> > > She's married And we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't

go

> >to

> > > my house. The holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do

it

> > > here for $50, and i get $43 back from Medicare.

>

>

[Achilles Tang]

Subject: The Superbowl.....!

>

> >The Coach had put together the perfect team for the Oakland Raiders. The

> >only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all

the

> >colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer

> >quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

> >

> >Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in

Afghanistan

> >

> >In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghanistan soldier

> >with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a

> >3rd-story window 200 yards away, ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade

> >into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away, ka-blooey! Then a car passed,

> >going 90 mph, bulls-eye!

> >

> >I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect

arm!"

> >So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of

football,

> >and the Raiders go on to win the Super Bowl.

> >

> >The young Afghani is hailed as the Great Hero of football, and when Coach

> >asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his

> >mother.

> >

> >"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

> >

> >I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You

are

> >not my son."

> >

> >"I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I just won

> >the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my

> >adoring fans."

> >

> >"No, let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there

are

> >gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two

> >brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this

week

> >your sister was raped in broad daylight."

> >

> >The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "..I'll never forgive you

for

> >making us move to Oakland."

[Phang]

>FW: Stupid Qns & Smart Ans

>

>

>1) Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else?

> > Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

> >

> > 2) Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?

> > Pupil : The moon.

> > Teacher : Why?

> > Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.

> >

> > 3) Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

> > Pupil : A teacher.

> >

> > 4) Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?

> > Customer : What other colors do you have?

> >

> > 5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

> >

> > 6) Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.

> > Sam : It's a family tradition.

> > Teacher : What do you mean?

> > Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.

> > Teacher : What about your mother?

> > Sam : She's a woman.

> >

> > 7) Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?

> > David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

> >

> > 8) Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

> > Student : Brotherly love.

> >

> > 9) Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

> > Sam : ! No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

> >

> > 10) Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?

> > Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.

> > Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.

> >

> > 11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

> > One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

> >

> > 12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

> > One Student: " Because George still had the axe in his hand."

[Phang]

Man hunt........

[Phang]

The Joke of the Day!

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

[Achilles Tang]

The Advantages of Breast Milk

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Never goes sour.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled

his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.