Points to Ponder!

[Achilles Tang]

I'll start off!

>Good story ... must read ....

>

>A jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The

HR

>manager interviewed him, then gave him a test, which was to clean the

>floor.

>After that the HR manager said "You are engaged, give me your e-mail

>address, and I'll send you the application to fill, as well as when you

>will

>start".

>

>The man replied, " I don't have a computer, neither an email"

>

>"I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "if you don't have an email, that means

>you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job".

>

>The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only

10US

>$

>in his pocket. The man then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10

>Kg

>tomato crate. He sold the tomatoes in a door-to-door round.

>

>In less than two hours, He succeeded to double his capital. He repeated

the

>operation three times, and returned home with 60 US$. The man realized

that

>he could survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return

>late. Thus, his money doubled and tripled day by day.

>

>Shortly later, he bought a car, then a truck, then he had his own fleet

of

>delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man became one of the biggest food

>retailers in the U. S. He started to plan his family's future, and

decided

>to get life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and choose a

>protection plan.

>

>When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him for his email.

>

>The man replied: "I don't have an email". The broker replied

curiously,"you

>don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do you

>imagine what you could have been if you had an email?"!!

>

>The man thought for a while, and replied: "an office boy at Microsoft!

>

>

>"The moral of this story:

>

>1- Internet is not the solution to your life

>

>2- if you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

>

>3- if you received this message by email, you are closer to be an office

>boy, rather than a

>millionaire.

[Achilles Tang]

An old man lived in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was really hard work. His only son, who used to help him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament

Dear son,

I'm feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato in the garden this year. I am just getting too old to be digging up garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son

Dear Dad,

For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES.

Love Son

At 4 a.m. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same daythe old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love Son

The morale of the story is TO WORK SMART NOT HARD. Use your brain, in the perceived impossible sometimes it can make the impossible possible.

[Achilles Tang]

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

[Achilles Tang]

My wife is missing

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can

you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

[Achilles Tang]

No offence to Citibankers!

If you have ever had to deal with a major corporation's customer service then you will really appreciate this.

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around $60.00)

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

CitiBank:"...excuse me .....?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"

CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

CitiBan k: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )

CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )

( After they get the fax. )

CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me: "Oh..."

CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"

CitiBank: "That might help."

Me: " ( Odessa Memorial Cemetery #### Hwy 129 and plot number given. )

CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"

[Achilles Tang]

Corporate Lesson 1

>>>>>

>>>>>A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing

>>>>>up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of

>>>>>arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the

>>>>>wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs

>>>>>downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the

>>>>>next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give

>>>>>you $800 to drop that towel that you have on" After thinking for

>>>>>a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands ###### in front of

>>>>>Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

>>>>>Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps

>>>>>back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back

>>>>>to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was

>>>>>that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

>>>>>"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800

>>>>>he owes me?"

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining

>>>>>to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in

>>>>>a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Corporate Lesson 2

>>>>>

>>>>>A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the

>>>>>road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She

>>>>>got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal

>>>>>a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

>>>>>After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her

>>>>>leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,

>>>>>remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized

>>>>>profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear,

>>>>>he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,

>>>>>"Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized

>>>>>"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent,

>>>>>the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her

>>>>>way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve

>>>>>a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek,

>>>>>further up, you will find glory."

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you

>>>>>might miss a great opportunity.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Corporate Lesson 3

>>>>>

>>>>>A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking

>>>>>to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a

>>>>>Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually

>>>>>only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me

>>>>>first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the

>>>>>Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

>>>>>Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the

>>>>>sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with

>>>>>my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the

>>>>>love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie

>>>>>says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in

>>>>>the office after lunch."

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Corporate Lesson 4

>>>>>

>>>>>A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small

>>>>>rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and

>>>>>do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

>>>>>So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All

>>>>>of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be

>>>>>sitting very, very high up.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Corporate Lesson 5

>>>>>

>>>>>A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to

>>>>>get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't

>>>>>got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my

>>>>>droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

>>>>>The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually

>>>>>gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

>>>>>The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second

>>>>>branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly

>>>>>perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by

>>>>>a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it

>>>>>won't keep you there.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Corporate Lesson 6

>>>>>

>>>>>A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold

>>>>>the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it

>>>>>was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As

>>>>>the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to

>>>>>realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

>>>>>He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

>>>>>A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

>>>>>Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile

>>>>>of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

>>>>>

>>>>>

>>>>>Moral of the story: 1) Not everyone who shits on you is your

>>>>>enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

>>>>>3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth

>>>>>shut!