Jokes...

[diabolus]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.

He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.

In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.

He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.

After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.

When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.

The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.

The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"

The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"

[diabolus]

a little R(A) but here goes...

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

[bum]

that made my sucky day

[harris]

hahahhaha........good one there bro!

[ah_d3x]

haha nice one

[sduu]

mind i join in with another? 

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari 550. One of the most expensive production cars in the world, and it costs him $300,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. An old man on a Moped (about 75 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It's very expensive!" "Why does it cost so much, asks the old man?" Because this car can go up to 220 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" No problem, "replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty fancy car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 20 seconds the speedometer reads 140mph. Suddenly he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly... w-h-h-h-o-o-o-o-s-s-s-h-h-h! Something whips by him, going much faster!! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped. Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the Moped at 200mph... W-h-o-o-o-o-o-o-s-h!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph.

A few seconds later he sees the Moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, denting the rear. The young man carefully brakes the Ferrari to a stop, jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!

He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you? The old man whispers with halting breath, "Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror you son of a bitch."

[[whale]]

Ha ha ...