Sori I can't give any as I major in Materials. I used to write technical papers and get them publish in conferences and during the presentation, ppl will challenge the points u make. Which is why its good to make assumptions etc........
Tanzy, My comments:
1. Shld include reference when making claims etc
eg xxxxxxxx[1]
2. Don't seems to see acknowledgement.
3. Believed some assumption or error existed in your experiment. U consider that??
2 cents.
Cheers